Gohan's Journal
by animegirl336
Summary: Sequel to "Guilt". Gohan's finally using that purple leather journal his mother gave him. An insight into his thoughts. HCT.
1. Prologue-Review

Gohan was bored. B-O-R-E-D, bored. There was no other way to describe it. He was just lying on his bed, flat on his back, staring at the ceiling. He had nothing better to do. He had already finished his homework for the whole week, and his mother didn't have anymore prepared. Her lessons were starting to slow down due to her pregnancy. It seemed that baby was affecting most things in Gohan's life. Gohan had even considered training again, just in case, but had quickly dismissed the idea. There were no bad guys and he hated training. There was really nothing more to it.

His eyes scanned his room for some sort of activity to occupy him. He had never had much free-time before, and if he had, he would spend it out in the woods. But that had been childhood curiosity. Innocence. Something Gohan had long since lost. There was not much in his room other than his desk and his books, He had never had a hobby before. He had never had the time nor the desire.

His eyes, once again, fell on the purple leather book that lay on his desk. He hadn't touched the thing for weeks, but he had thought about it constantly. His mother had gave it to him, which made him want to write in it just for her. But, at the same time, he didn't dare write in it. What would he even write? He was scared of what might happen if he did. Contrary to what was shown on the outside, Gohan was a very emotional boy. And he wasn't very skilled at dealing with those emotions.

Piccolo's words echoed through Gohan's head. ' _Suicide is a stupid idea! A stupid fucking idea!'_

Just thinking about the words gave Gohan enough reason not to go through with it. Though the idea had still crossed his mind every now and again, it hadn't happened anywhere near as often and he hadn't tried to carry it out since. It remained just that, an idea. But, as hard as Gohan tried, he couldn't curb his habit; his addiction. He wasn't as vigorous or as aggressive with it, but he still believed that his trusty razor was his only friend.

Which then brought his thoughts back to the purple book. His mother had told him that it would help him sort out his feelings. But did he want to sort them out? Did that little book really have that much power? Figuring that it was the best activity that he could do for now, he stood up and walked over to the desk. He plopped himself down into the wooden chair and hesitantly reached for the book. He set it in front of him, grabbed a pen, and opened the journal.

Automatically he drew a blank. He didn't even know where to start! _C'mon Gohan, you've written a couple dozen essays in your life and you can do this. It's not even going to be graded!_ He tapped the end of his pen to his chin as he thought. He sighed. If he's going to start, he's going to start right. He touched his pen to the paper and watched as the words formed.

 _Hi. My name is Son Gohan. I am eleven years old. This, is my journal._

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 **A/N: Damn! This is the shortest damn thing that I have ever written in my entire life! I swear and promise you all that my chapters are normally much,** _ **much**_ **longer than this! Think of this as more of a prologue/review chapter. :) Tell me in the reviews what you thought and if I should post another chapter! (I mean, I will but I want feedback from you guys so I can improve!) Thank you all for taking the time to read my embarrassingly short first chapter!**

 **~animegirl336**

 **(P.S. I PROMISE that the next chapter will be longer. Maybe not what I normally put out, but much longer than this one!)**


	2. The Baby

"Gohan! Dinner!" At the sound of the magical word, Gohan set down his pen and ran to the dining table at inhuman speeds. He starts shoving food into his mouth before his mother could get another word out. "Someone's hungry tonight, huh?"

Gohan stopped eating long enough to flash the classic Son smile, with a face full of food, before diving right back in. His appetite had slowly been coming back over the past month and half. His mother seemed to only just notice. "Dish inder aests glate!"

Chi-Chi had already begun to wash the dishes. "Repeat that with your mouth empty please, honey."

Gohan swallowed loudly. "I said this dinner tastes great!"

"Thanks for the compliment sweetie. It's been a lot easier to cook since..." his mother trailed off, momentarily stopping doing the dishes, but quickly continuing.

Gohan, having cleared all of his plates, stood up and placed a hand on his mother's shoulder. "It's okay, Mom, you can say it. I'm fine. I've always _been_ fine." Gohan assured her, even though the last sentence was a lie, he thought that she needed to hear it. And he wasn't about to break his promise this quickly.

"It's been a lot easier to cook since your father _died_." She said the last word like it burned her tongue. The pained tone was totally gone and was replaced by a chipper, joking one. "It takes a whole army's worth of food just to fill one of your alien bellies."

"I appreciate the effort, Mom!" Gohan thanked his mother and he returned to his room. He sat back down in his chair and picked back up his pen. Then the writer's block hit again. _Does it count as writer's block if I'm writing about myself?_ Gohan thought, but shrugged it off. _All I've written so far is my name and age. C'mon, Gohan, think! You're a smart kid!_

He tapped his pen rhythmically in the corner of the paper, making little black dots appear. He needed inspiration. He understood, finally, that his wasn't some essay where his mother have him the topic and he just wrote down facts. This was _him_.

Then an idea struck.

 _I'm...well I'm new to this whole 'journal' thing, so forgive me if I don't do it well. But I think I have a plan. This journal is going to be the biggest essay I've ever written. The topic? Myself. I know me better than anyone, right? This journal will be almost like an autobiography, if you will. Though, unlike autobiographies, this will_ _not_ _be published._

 _I guess that I'll have to start by catching you up on recent events._

 _The best place to start would be the beginning, but I don't think that I have the time or the wrist strength to write it all down. Instead, events in my life will probably be brought up gradually as need be. So, to start with, I'll mention the baby. A random topic, I know. But, even though it's random, it has been weighing heavily on my mind._

 _Ever since Mr. Piccolo brought it up, I can't seem to_ _not_ _think about it. And when I finally manage to be it out of my head, something is said or done to remind me of it. Mom hasn't mentioned it yet, and I am definitely not bringing it up first. That would not reap good results._

 _And no, in case you're wondering, the 'it' I am referring to is not the baby._

 _Although we do not have a gender for the baby yet, I would never refer to him/her as an 'it'. It would be very disrespectful. I don't care if it's only a fetus, it is still alive. When I write 'it' I mean the pregnancy. Pregnancy within itself is inanimate, only a term. Calling pregnancy alive would be like saying that the word 'handicap' is alive. They are both terms put on to categorize._

 _But I digress, there is still one major issue: do I even_ _want_ _there to be a baby? Like, do I want a little brother/sister? I wasn't consulted in this decision. Would I even be a good big brother? I have no idea how to do it! But, after all, when the pressure is on is when Son's do their best, huh?_

 _It'll be like a whole new adventure, this baby. Just like when I travelled to Namek, this is unknown and dangerous territory. The only high point is that I have Mom and Bulma to help. Both have/are raised/raising a Saiyan child._

 _Dende, another Demi-Saiyan. Now Trunks and I aren't the only ones. Maybe, if I play it right, I can get the baby to become friends with Trunks. If it's a girl, it'll be hard, but I think that I can do it if it's a boy. Even if our dads are 'rivals'. The baby will have friends, I'll make sure of it._

 _Come to think of it, I can look at this baby situation a whole other way. Instead of him/her being my stereotypical 'annoying little brother/sister', I can help him/her. I can give the baby the life it deserves, give it everything I didn't get. Friends, attention, space, individuality, happiness, a_ _real_ _childhood._

 _But...that's not possible, is it? In order to have a_ _real_ _childhood, you need a father._

 _I guess now would be the time to catch you up on Dad._

 _Dad, Son Goku, was a great man. He was strong, stronger than anyone else on the planet, and still managed to maintain a gentle, lighthearted attitude. He wouldn't hurt a fly (on purpose) unless it was evil. He saved the Earth at least half a dozen times and destroyed several evil monsters._

 _Just thinking about him always gave me a smile. I looked up to him, even if I did despise the training and violence. I'm a pacifist by nature. But I admired Dad like he was a God. He was my Super Saiyan Father!_

 _But, and yes there is always a 'but', I keep having to use past tense. In case you hadn't noticed. That's because Dad...he's no longer with us. He passed, but it was for a noble cause. He sacrificed himself to try and defeat Cell once and for all (Cell had been about to self-destruct so Dad used Instant Transmission to get him off Earth, which succeeded, but Dad had been caught in the explosion)._

 _Cell had, unfortunately, survived his own explosion. He came back and murdered Mirai Trunks. He's Vegeta's son from the future. It's thanks to Vegeta that I was able to beat Cell. Yes, I did it, but that's a story for another day. For now, let's stick to the topic do Dad._

 _After Cell was finally defeated for good, we returned to Kami's - err - Dende's Lookout. We wished back all the people Cell had killed. But that didn't include my Dad. The Dragon Balls can't wish back people who have already been revived before. Which Dad had been._

 _But, being the smart kid that I am, I came up with the idea of using the Namekian Dragon Balls to wish back Dad. Everyone agreed, even cheered, at my suggestion. They wanted Dad back as much as I did. There was one fatal flaw in my plan that I hadn't been aware of. Dad didn't want to come back._

 _He contacted us through King Kai and told us so. He said that he preferred to stay in Otherworld and train. The excuse he gave was that he was an 'enemy magnet'. That if he state dead, evil will stop being so drawn toward Earth. That no more tragedy or death would occur. As much as I wanted my Dad back, I knew that this was sound reasoning._

 _The hard part had been telling Mom. How do you tell your mother that your father isn't coming home? It's hard. Very dang hard. Probably the hardest thing I've had to do to date, but I managed to do it. She's cried every night since._

 _She thinks that I can't hear it, but I can. Her room is right next to mine, so I can hear it loud and clear. I can hear her crying, her talking, and - when Dad had been alive - her late night..._ _activities_ _...with him. I never told her then and I'm certainly not telling her now. Just as I promised Piccolo, I'm going to be strong for Mom and for the baby._

 _Long story over. Dad isn't here to help Mom raise the baby. And I hadn't even thought about it until now. Though, in his defense, he probably didn't even know that Mom was pregnant when he had made the decision to stay dead. Mom isn't handling it too well though. I notice her hand go to her stomach and her eyes will tear up when she thinks I'm not looking. I hear her crying pleas late at night for Dad to help her._

 _But she knows as well as I do that Dad isn't coming back to help raise that baby. There's no one to help her..._

 _Journal, a thought just occurred to me._

 _Dad may not be here. Mom may be, by law, a single parent. But that doesn't mean that I can't step up. In order to achieve my goal, my wishes for this kid, I have to help raise him. Be his father figure. All those things that I mentioned earlier that I want to give the baby, I can give him by being his father. As for the_ _real childhood_ _part, I can do my Dende dang best._

 _Baby, I hereby promise to give you the best life I possibly can. Cross my heart. I_ _will_ _be strong for you and Mom. I will pretend to be happy, I will raise you, and, in the small chance that Dad was wrong, I will fend off all evil and take Dad's place as Earth's protector. All for you and Mom._

"Gohan!" Chi-Chi called.

"What's up, Mom?" Gohan yelled back.

"I need you to help me put away some groceries. Can you do that, sweetie?" She asked. Gohan closed his journal, pushed it to the upper right corner of his desk, right next to the lamp, and put the pen in the mug to his left.

"On my way, Mom!"

* * *

 **A/N: Longer chapter, but still short in comparison to what I usually write. I think, just by guessing, that these chapters, may all be shorter like this one was. I apologize. Seriously, like, I'm super sorry. I swear to Dende that my chapters are not usually so short! I _always_ break 2000 words at LEAST on my normal chapters!**

 **As a side note, in the summary and in the summary for Guilt, it says HCT. HCT is** **H** **ead** **C** **annon** **T** **imeline. Any stories marked HCT will fall in the same timeline, or, in other words, be sequels to each before it.**

 **Thank you for taking the time to read my long Author's Note (if you did) and leave a review at the door! Thanks!**

 **~animegirl336**


	3. Mom, You Can't

**A/N: Yeah, Author's Note at the beginning of the chapter, but hear me out! I'm typing these up, I promise! I just entered my freshman year of High School and am just getting used to it. Plus, my beta-reader (aka my best friend) is procrastinating so much that I had to have my little sister proof this. So...sorry if there's any mistakes! That is all.**

* * *

His hands were shaking as he paced back and forth. His lips and chin were quivering as his shaky hands made fists, his pointer fingers in his ears. He hadn't heard that. Couldn't have heard that. It was such a horrible thing, especially coming from his own _mother_. He didn't know what to think, or what to say. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to think? Would his mother even consult him before making the decision? Probably not. He's not the father, so why should he be consulted?

But, it was _his_ little sibling.

Which _he swore_ to protect at _any_ cost.

He sat down on his bed, taking several deep breaths, as he replaced the bandage on his arm. The red was starting to seep through, so he grabbed two Band-Aids and placed them over the twin slits. The then made his way over to his desk and grabbed his journal. He had only written in it once before, and decided that now would be the perfect time to write some more.

 _Oh my gosh. Oh Dende...I...I don't know what to do...oh Dende help me..._

 _I guess that I should start from the beginning, huh? I can sort out my thoughts as I recount the event of the day, right? Right? Oh Dende, please tell me that this will help. Let me take a deep breath...and...okay._

 _So I woke up this morning and I could tell almost instantly that something was off. I had awoken on my own. I hadn't awoken to the smell of breakfast like I normally did. I didn't get upset. I would be stupid and insensitive to ge mad at Mom for being late with breakfast in her_ _condition_ _. But it still felt_ _wrong_ _. So I got up and decided that I should prepare breakfast for her this morning. Let her wake up to a pleasant surprise. Until I remembered that I can't cook. At all._

 _I decided I could at least make some toast and jam for her, I got out the bread and had just pushed down the toaster button when I heard it. The door opening and closing. I know, it shouldn't be weird or off putting because I hear it everyday. Thing is, both Mom and I were home, so I couldn't imagine who was walking through our front door. Stealthily, I creeped toward the door until I could see who had walked in._

 _"Mom?" I had exclaimed. Now, I won't quote me or anyone else in here unless it was important. My exclamation made her scream and drop her bags. Now, it was what I saw in her bags that made this important. I saw the normal stuff - clothes, food, clothes, textbooks, clothes - but there was also a paper that read_ _'Weigh your options carefully'_ _in a very familiar handwriting. Bulma's._

 _I helped her pick up her things and tidy up and by the time the whole scene was over the toast popped. I ran into the kitchen and put the toast on a plate. I buttered them and then put jam on them. Greatly surprised, Mom accepted the food, but only just barely. She didn't seem to believe that I had actually made her food. I thought about that note for the rest of the day._

 _What had Bulma meant by 'weigh your options carefully'? What options? Options for what? Why was this decision so important? My worry and confusion began to grow and en managed to blossom some curiosity. I couldn't shake the nagging feeling in the back of my head that told me that this was going to end badly. But, I brushed it aside and kept thinking on the positive side of things._

 _I'm only a kid, so I couldn't have possibly foreseen what I would hear in a few more hours._

 _The day was more or less normal. I did homework, I took a nap, I ate dinner, and then I went to my room. But I still couldn't seem to get that note off of my mind. I could have passed it off as trivial, but it was so cryptic that it seemed important. And the fact that Bulma had given Mom a_ _note_ _managed to unnerve me as well._

 _It was late that night and I was still asleep. My brain was going way too fast for me to be able to even_ _try_ _and sleep. My clock read 1:30. I remember that detail well. That's when Mom started crying again. It had never really stopped, but she had seemed to be accepting the fact that Dad wasn't coming back. She would cry, but she wouldn't scream in agony like she had before. But now, her sobs had the same intensity they did the first night that I had told her of Dad's death. Minus the screams. Normally, I just sucked it up, ignoring it and pretending that it wasn't happening._

 _I still have no idea what possessed me to press my ear to the wall._

 _Her sobs were louder, reverberating throughout the wall instead of being absorbed. They weren't quiet, and didn't require me to press my ear to the wall. What I_ _did_ _hear that I wouldn't have before was her mutterings. It was disturbing. I could barely hear them, but_ _barely_ _still means that I could. I couldn't hear her well enough for her words to be audible. I couldn't understand what she was saying, but she was definitely saying something. I was ready to start listening harder when she spoke up, obviously presuming that I was asleep._

 _Her words were still mostly inaudible, but I could at least make out some of them now. I remember hearing her mutter what she used to scream. Things like 'where are you?' and 'why? What did I do?'. I was about to leave the wall and start ignoring it again when a curious phrase escaped her mouth. "Bulma...I am...I really am." My breath caught in my throat as I realized that is had something to do with that cryptic piece of paper! I was finally going to get my answers! I didn't know whether to be excited or terrified about finding that out._

 _I listened as hard as I could through the wall, my brain hungry for information. I regret not leaving then. I could have left good enough alone. But sometimes being smart, doesn't mean you have common sense. If I could redo that moment, I would. I would go back and_ _not_ _listen in on Mom's murmurs. But I_ _can't_ _redo that moment, so what she said is permanently and forevermore stuck in my head. It was only three words. Three little words. I never knew that three words could make me feel so many emotions at once._

 _The words? "...getting it aborted..."_

 _Yeah._

 _I just wrote that._

 _I just wrote that and it just became two-hundred percent more real._

 _That's what the note was about._ _'Weigh your options carefully.'_ _. Mom is thinking about getting an abortion! And when she went to Bulma to get an opinion, Bulma gave some words to 'take with her'. I don't know why it would even be an option? Aborting my little sibling!_ _My own freaking mother!_ _Dang, journal, I don't even know what to write. I don't know what to think. I promised to protect that kid from anything that would harm it, but how can I protect it from its own_ _mother_ _? And how can I do that and keep the other half of that. Protecting Mom._

 _I don't even know what emotion to feel right now! Anger, relief, depression, confusion, fear...you name it, I'm feeling it. I want to punch Mom in the face (even though I'm a pacifist, if that tells you how confused I felt), hug her, and hide in my closet all at the same time. I was on overload of emotions, even more than I usually am. And...I'm about to tell you a huge secret...never mind. I don't know if Mom checks this thing or not. It seems like something that she would do, so I'll cut you some slack and lay off the secrets._

 _Let's just say that I'm flipping the crap out! I...what am I supposed to do? I know in my last entry that I said that I wasn't sure about the whole 'big brother' thing, but that doesn't mean that I want the thing_ _dead_ _! I hoped that writing his all down would help me sort things out, but I still don't know what to do! The only thing that I can think of doing is confronting her. But that would involve telling her that I know about the baby._

 _I guess that I have a choice to make, don't I?_

 _But there is no choice to be made._

 _I'm protecting that baby. No matter what._

Gohan put his pen away and closed the journal. He stood up and with the safety of the kid fueling his confidence, he strode over to the door next to his. He knocked on it and the noise on the other side of the door instantly ceased. She stayed silent, pretending that she wasn't in there or that she was asleep. But that wasn't going to work. Gohan knew that trick. That was _his_ trick. He knocked again. "Mom, open up."

He heard a lot of rushed noises, like she was moving around papers or boxes or something. He heard her footsteps come toward the door as it creaked open. She kept her face in the shadows. "What's up, sweetie. It's a little late, don't you think?"

Gohan nodded. "Indeed it is, but there is something that I need to take care of that can't wait until nine in the morning." Chi-Chi stood still, not saying a word. "Mom, it's important. Super important."

She did not let him in. However, she stepped out of her room into the hallway and pointed down it. Following her lead, Gohan walked down the hall and sat in their living room on the floor. Gohan patted the spot next to him and Chi-Chi accepted the gesture. A look of concern was etched on her face. "Is something wrong, Gohan?"

Gohan nodded again. "Yes, Mom, something is wrong."

"How can I help?" She offered. "If there is a way I can help, I'll do it."

Gohan wanted to yell, yet he wanted to cry. And still, he did neither. He opened his mouth to say it calmly, but nothing came out. There were just some things too horrible to even say. And killing something that hasn't even has a chance to _live_ is one of those things. But if there was a will, there was a way. _I guess I'll just start with the basics_.

"Mom, I know about the baby." Gohan stated. He didn't waver, didn't sugarcoat it. Just said it.

All of Chi-Chi's facial features got wider. "W-What? Who told you? How long have you known?"

"Since...about a month after the Games ended. And I'm ratting out my sources." Gohan answered calmly. "But that's not the main problem, I've already come to terms with the baby."

Chi-Chi looked unsure, as if she didn't know if she wanted to speak or not. "I...I don't know if you should get attached to it yet or not..."

"You aren't aborting the baby." Gohan blurted, his brain finally deciding that it was time to say it. His mother sat still, mouth wide open. It was moving up and down quickly, but not a single sound left it. "You aren't aborting the baby." He repeated.

"How...never mind." She said, deciding it best. "And that decision isn't up to you."

"How could you even _think_ about doing something like that?" He exclaimed.

"It's best. It-"

Gohan stood up, looking down at his mother. His voice was calm and proper. Respectful. "It's not an 'it'. It's a living creature. And it's not the baby's fault that you and Dad conceived him or her. The baby did nothing wrong."

"It's just such a bad time-"

"So bad that you'd commit murder. Because by aborting that fetus, you're committing murder." Gohan explained. Chi-Chi stayed silent. "Mom...please."

She sighed. "It was unplanned-"

"And so was I, right?" Again, Chi-Chi had no response. He/she might have been unplanned, but are they unwanted?"

After minutes of just silence, Chi-Chi stood up as well. She shook her head. Gohan nodded. Her hand fell to her stomach. "Thank you, Gohan, really. But...I can't raise this baby by myself. I could barely raise you with _two_ parents."

Gohan laughed. "Don't worry, Mom. I have a feeling that it'll be just fine."

She closed the few steps between them and hugged her son. "If you believe that it will...I'll trust that you have your father's instincts."

"Good."


	4. I Love You, Dad

Gohan sat down at his desk. He placed his hand on the purple leather journal and grabbed a black pen from his mug. He had been neglecting to write in it. Not that he hadn't wanted to, but nothing that big had happened that he felt had been worth writing down. _Until yesterday_. He still didn't know how to start an entry very well but, as he has learned, they end up writing themselves as he gets into the flow of it. He opened it up as he skipped two lines and then dated it.

At least this was a happier entry than the last.

 _Uhh...hey there Journal. It's been...what? Sevenish months? I'm not sure if that's 100% right or not, but it's close enough. Most people would think that's a long time, but in my mind, it's not. I was unfortunately born with what I call 'fighter's brain'. It makes a few months seem like a few minutes. Time, in my family, revolves around how much training one can get done in x amount of time. It makes for an excellent math problem._

 _But that's not why I'm writing today. I'm writing because something really big happened yesterday! The baby was born! I have so much to say, but first let me start at the beginning and catch you up on the events of the past seven months._

 _First thing's first, it took Mom a long time to fully accept the pregnancy. But, with my help, by month five she was very accepting of it. Even started boasting about it whenever Dad's friends visited, or if we visited them. It made me smile to see her finally happy about this. If I'm being honest, I was still unsure about this whole situation. But I figured that as long as Mom felt good about it, we would be able to make it through this._

 _The baby was helping Dad's friends as well. It seemed to bring us all even closer together. We all hung out more often and I started seeing them more as family and less as friends. They were like my Uncles and Aunts. And they were definitely better than Uncle Raditz was. They actually paid attention to me and to Mom. They talked to me like a person, and not like a little kid. I don't think the Z Fighters have ever hung out as much as we have in the past months._

 _I think that the baby had helped me too, even though it was only born yesterday. While Mom was pregnant with the baby...well in the beginning I had my own problems. I still do, but I think that they may be getting slightly better. I'm positive now that Mom doesn't check this, or she would have said something about some of the stuff I've written, so I think it's okay to admit some of this stuff. I have nothing to hide to a book._

 _I'm depressed. I cut. I'm a depressed, self-harming teen. Well, I'm only eleven, so I'm not technically a teen. But I think you get the point, right journal? Anyways, so that's the situation ever since I beat Cell. At one point, it had gotten really bad. But thanks to Mr. Piccolo, it didn't end badly. If it had...I wouldn't be writing in you right now. Since Mr. Piccolo stopped my suicide attempt, I have slowly been getting better. I've been more hopeful; happier._

 _A think a big part of it was the baby. He/She gave me something to look forward to. Gave me a purpose. I mean, I'm still not completely better. Thoughts and urges still plague my mind. But that baby made them fade into the distance. The baby served almost as a distraction. I was laughing, and my laugh was ever-so-slightly less empty. My smile was less hollow. My eyes shone with more hope than I'd had for years._

 _And when that baby was born...darn...it was magical. I mean, I panicked at first. It was only Mom and I at home. She was watching television and I was practicing my cooking skills (which had gotten exponentially better with Mom's teachings) by making a simple breakfast. Bacon and eggs with a turkey on the side. Suddenly, she flinched and let out a yelp. I rushed over, leaving my food unattended, and asked what was wrong._

 _She told me that her water had broke._

 _My brain went void of all rational thought as panic set in. I was the only other person in the house, and I definitely didn't know how to properly deliver a baby! Even if I was smart for my age, I was no doctor. Mom yelled at me to do something, anything. I told her that I didn't know what to do. I paced, I hopped, I even did jumping jacks in an attempt to get rid of my extra energy caused by my flaring panic. I didn't wanna accidentally hurt anything or anybody, and I_ _was_ _smart enough to know that my emotions controlled my power._

 _As I did my jumping jacks, I asked if she had any suggestions as to what I should be doing, seeing as she had already done this once before. Her reply was simply "Bulma." I quickly ran over to the phone involuntarily using my super speed and dialed Bulma's cell. If I had called the company, it would have taken forever to get to Bulma, if I even could at all._

 _After explaining the situation at Bulma over the phone, she quickly made her way over, using Vegeta as her mode of transport. He flew away immediately after dropping her off. I didn't blame him. Frankly, I wasn't sure I had even wanted to be there. But I obediently took every order that Bulma threw at me. It was a super long and tedious process, and it hurt to see Mom in such pain, but it did eventually end. I'm proud to say that I didn't faint the entire time. Not once._

 _I was sitting next to Mom, her hand had been squeezing mine, when the climax of the situation seemed to be over as we entered the falling action. I looked at Bulma who held the smallest being I had ever seen in her hands. For a Demi-Saiyan, it looked so weak and fragile. A sudden, paternal urge to protect it overcame me. I had made the promise months prior to the baby's birth, but it became a need as soon as I saw him._

 _Yes, him._

 _"Good job, Chi-Chi!" Bulma had explained, her voice raw from yelling over Mom. Mom asked for the gender. "Another Dende damn warrior. It's a boy."_

 _Mom got to hold him, and then she let me. As soon as I felt his weight in my arms, I smiled. I smiled to wide. And then, he smiled as well. I gave him his first smile, which made me laugh. I was filled with so much happiness. He opened his eyes and looked at me. "Hi there little guy." I had greeted him. "I'm your Daddy."_

 _I had said it without thinking. I was caught up in the moment and filled with thoughts of my promise and paternal instincts. Bulma looked shocked but Mom just smiled. I payed them no mind as I looked into my baby brother's eyes. The look in them was one I hadn't seen aimed at me ever. Admiration. Barely five minutes old and this kid already admired me. He looked up to me. He needed me._

 _D...Damn! If only more people looked at me the way that baby looks at me! It was great! There was someone, a tiny little someone that cares deeply for me. And he's only a day old! Just thinking that gives me chills up my spine. That feeling of usefulness, of being needed, that had steadily been growing for months has bloomed. It was now on par with...no, that's not right. I've got say to say that's it's about 60-40 now. I'm happier than I've been in almost a year._

 _I think I can actually get better._

 _I'm starting to believe that there_ _is_ _a light at the end of the tunnel._

 _The others are supposed to be coming over today to see the baby. Can't wait to see how that's gonna go. And that we have to bring him to the wedding in a couple of weeks. Oh, right, I forgot to mention the wedding, didn't I?_

 _About a month-and-a-half ago I went out to check our mail. Inside had been a decorative envelope. Definitely not a bill. Without reading the return address, I brought it in and handed it to Mom. Her face grew confused and she told me that the return address claimed that it had been Krillin who had sent it. Curious, she opened it and read it aloud. Turns out, it was an invitation to Krillin's wedding! I'll insert the letter in here. Not glide it in or anything. Just stick it in here, envelope and all._

 _The big problem is, the wedding is in a couple of weeks, yet Mom still has no idea what she is going to name my little brother! I heard her throw around the ideas of Einstein or Isaac Newton. Don't worry, journal, I won't let Mom name the baby after scientists. I'm sure that together, we can think of a name that Dad would be proud of._

 _Not to mention that the baby is going to sleep in my room starting tonight. Not too excited at the prospect of sharing a room with a whiny infant, but at least I know he's safe when his crib is at the foot of my bed. It's a somewhat comforting thought to know that he'll grow up close to me as well. Yeah, I think I can make this work._

Gohan's writing was interrupted by a ringing telephone. He closed his journal and put away his pen as he dashed out of the room and picked up the phone. "Hello, this is the Son house."

"Open your door." Said an annoyed voice. Embarrassed, Gohan hung up and opened the front door. Standing there were all of his father's friends, all wearing very annoyed expressions. "Finally, I thought that you and Chi-Chi had gone deaf!"

"Sorry Yamcha." I apologized. "Mom's in her room with the baby and I was busy in my own room."

Everything was silent for only a few seconds before Krillin. "Well, are you gonna let us in or are you going to draw a picture of him?"

Gohan nodded hurriedly, thoroughly embarrassed, and led them, down the hall. He knocked on his mother's door. "Mom, everyone is here. Most of them want to see the baby."

"Let them in."

Gohan opened the door and gestured for the Z Fighters to enter the room. They did as almost all of them went crazy over the youngest son of Goku. Gohan smiled as he watched their enjoyment, seeing that they already liked him. In particular, Trunks seemed to take an interest in the infant. Gohan made a mental note to remember that.

Gohan became lost in his thoughts. _Dad, wherever you are in Otherworld, don't you worry. I think the baby will be fine. I can't raise him as well as you would have, but I can do my best. I'll make sure that your son, my brother's, stays safe. Same with Mom. I won't let anything touch her, don't you worry. Don't. You. Worry._

 _I love you, Dad._


	5. Krillin's Wedding Summary

Gohan took off his blazer. It was super hot with it on, and he had only wore it because his mother insisted that he had looked 'incredibly handsome' with it on. And he just couldn't say no to his mother. Even Goten had seemed to enjoy seeing him in it. Though, Gohan didn't quite know if it's a good thing that Goten had laughed. He didn't know whether the laugh had been directed at him, or just expressed the baby's laughter.

Either way, Gohan just accepted it as he performed the now-familiar ritual of Open Book, Grab Pen as he dated his entry.

 _I felt that i should write about this, although I don't have much to say. The wedding was a lot of fun! It was so nice to see Krillin so happy. Although it was weird to see Android Eighteen standing up there as well. I've mostly gotten over what happened with her, but not completely. It's not that I'm mad, it's just...weird I guess. But as long as it makes Krillin happy, I'm fine with it. I think I even saw a small smile on her face during the wedding. But if it was there, it was gone by the reception._

 _What do you think of it, Dad? We left a chair empty, just in case you decided to watch. We all thought that you'd like to watch Krillin's wedding. After all, other than Bulma, he's your best friend. He had insisted it was all nonsense and to not waste the chair, but everyone else prodded until he finally agreed. I even saw him look at the chair several times during the wedding. Did you sit in the chair, Dad?_

 _Oh, journal, Mom and I figured out a name for the baby. We tossed around a lot of ideas. Everything from Joe to Isaac Newton was suggested. It took us hours just to narrow it down to two. In the end, it was between Goku II or Goten. I guess neither of us have moved on because we chose Goten in a heartbeat. We miss you._

 _Goten already looks a lot like you, Dad. Thanks to his Saiyan genes, his hair is growing incredibly fast! He already almost has hair proportional to his head. And guess what? His hair has already taken the shape of yours, Dad. Not like mine, though. Mine has the Saiyan-spiciness to it, but Goten's hair is_ _exactly_ _like yours. Only thirteen days old and he's already taken so much after you._

 _That's about all I have to say in this entry. It's really short, but I don't have much else to say. But I have noticed that I wrote most of this to Dad, talking to him instead of to the journal like I normally do. I guess it's because I miss you, Dad. I have since the Cell Games. But with Goten's birth...I miss you even more. Or maybe the wound had been reopened. Either way, I love you Dad. Dead or alive, you are my idol. Stay gold, Ponyboy._

 _Dad, I know you can't read this (you'd better not!), but...just in case...Dad, I hope you're happy with the name that we picked out for Goten. We put a lot of thought into it. And Dad, I hope you aren't mad that I pretend to be Goten's father. I promise that I'll explain what happened when he's older, but for now it's just easier if he believes it's me. I'm doing it for Mom's sake, too, Dad. She can't raise Goten on her own. And she misses you even more than I do. And that's a lot!_

 _That's all for now, journal. Sorry I talked to Dad most of the time but...with Goten...I have to go. I have to make dinner for Mom. I guess that I'll write in you later. Bye._


	6. Dad, You Lied

His eye twitched. He walked over to his desk and picked up some random book. He threw it across the room. It went through his bedroom wall, and the wall in the hallway, landing in the grass outside. He yelled, yet again, out of frustration. He kicked his bed, holding back enough to only chip the wood. But holding back at all right now caused Gohan physical pain. It hurt to keep so much energy inside as it pushed to get out.

He didn't know what to do with it all. He had refused to transform, but that had caused pain that even Gohan couldn't bear. So now he stood in his room a Super Saiyan, but absolutely refusing to ascend. That was too scary to even think. He had done it earlier, but it was involuntary. Now he was forcing himself not to.

Gohan desperately wanted to be wrong. He hoped to Dende that he was wrong. But, deep down, he knew that he wasn't. And it pissed him the hell off. He didn't know where to put all the anger. He was considering blowing up a couple mountains when it occurred to him. He still had his purple journal, even if it has been two years since he had wrote in it. Seeing it as his last option before violence, he sat down and searched his drawers for the book. He grabbed whatever writing utensil was closest - an orange highlighter - and hastily dated it then started writing.

 _I can't...I just...I can't. I'm done. I can't believe Dad! I don't even know where to start. I don't even know what to write. Journal, do you wanna know how angry I am? I'm a Super Saiyan as I sit here writing in you. And I'm still in barely bearable pain. My muscles...every inch of my body feels like it was stabbed repeatedly, had alcohol rubbed into the wounds, and then lit on fire. I'm only exaggerating a tiny bit._

 _It's been a couple of years, so I guess I should catch you up...again. Don't worry, journal, you won't get behind much more. I have a feeling that I'm going to have to start writing in you more often in order to keep my sanity intact. I guess I'll begin two years ago._

 _Goten's first Christmas came and went rather uneventfully. Though, I guess that you can think of it as our first Christmas without Dad. It was much quieter, even with the baby. Dad always made Christmas really light up. He was always remained with a bright attitude during the holidays, even if no one else did. It was really contagious. It seemed to be his favorite thing in the whole world, other than Mom and I._

 _I'm starting to doubt it now, though._

 _Anyways, Christmas wasn't all that bad. It was mostly just really low-key and, honestly, really depressing. But Goten and Mom seemed to enjoy it, and that's the important thing. New Years was nothing special either. Instead of going to Bulma's party like we normally did, we stayed home. Mom thought that would be the better thing to do, especially with Goten._

 _The only major thing that happened last year was Goten's first birthday, which was spectacular and spine-tingling adorable. It was about what you would expect a baby's birthday to be: mostly for the parents. Which, cool enough, included me. It was also about what you would expect a Demi-Saiyan's birthday to be. Lots of food, only half of which made it into the baby's mouth. The other half was everywhere. And I mean everywhere._

 _It was on the walls, the floor, the carpet, the table, down the hall, in Mom's room, in the bathroom, all over Goten himself, and all over all of the Z Fighters. Including me. The only place that seemed to be spared was mine/Goten's room. I don't know how, but it survived. It took the combined effort of me and Mom two days to scrub all the food off. After that, not much happened._

 _Until earlier today._

 _About two weeks ago, Mom dropped the bombshell that she had entered me in a martial arts tournament. She gave me very, very little time to start training again, so I had to tell her that I couldn't. I didn't tell her why. That's when she told me. We're in really bad financial condition. She could barely afford to buy diapers for Goten, admitting that that's why she didn't let me change his diaper anymore. She had to use paper towels._

 _That used to be Dad's job. Figuring out how to get money. I was never sure how he managed to do it, but he had managed. And, I figured, since I had taken it upon myself to try and fill the void left by Dad, that this was my job now. Hesitantly, I agreed to go through with the tournament and had began training immediately._

 _I started simple: jogging. I worked on cardio-vascular endurance. When fighting, you need a lot of that. After that, I would beat a couple of trees. I worked on being precise so that by the end, they were nothing more than toothpicks. Next was the classic, punch and kick the air. I worked on these and more for hours, six days in a row. For the other thirteen, I would train with Mr. Piccolo if I caught him at the right time._

 _I hadn't known how rusty I was until I starting sparing._

 _Even though I was much more powerful than Mr. Piccolo, I lost very quickly. My technique was rusty. I was slow to think, even slower to react, and left myself wide open several times. If that had been a real battle, the Earth would have lost. I only had a moment to realize how completely terrible I had become before Mr. Piccolo came at me again. After a very long day of bruises and blood, I was able to easily overpower and defeat Mr. Piccolo._

 _But the feeling of helplessness was fresh in my mind._

 _I had done awful. I was the kid that everyone expected to take Dad's place as Earth's protector in the very small chance that he had been wrong. I was Earth's greatest chance and last line of defense. And the thought of not being able to do that was terrifying. As much as I hate and despise fighting, I am good at it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. I'm a Saiyan, so fighting is in my blood. And it was the only thing that I'm good at, other than studying. So losing it had felt...devastating. Even if it had been for only a few seconds._

 _It was even worse when I trained with Vegeta. Where Mr. Piccolo was harsh but cared about my well-being, Vegeta was aggressive and, at least it felt like, he wanted to kill me. Again, even though I was stronger than him, he won. Mr. Piccolo hadn't gone a easy on me, but Vegeta made me pay for every mistake I made. It took me a few days before I had remembered enough to beat him. And even then, it came close._

 _At first, I had thought that I was losing because Vegeta was catching up to me. I've seen some of the regimens that he trains. He trains harder than anything me and Dad ever did. It wouldn't have surprised me if I had been surpassed by the Prince. I truly believed that, until Bulma debunked my theory by letting me in on a secret. When she told me, I could barely believe my ears. I thought she was lying. But she wasn't._

 _She told me that Vegeta rarely trained anymore._

 _You can see why I'm shocked, right journal. I mean, this is Vegeta we're talking about here. The 'Prince of All Saiyans'. The man who once overloaded the GR because he was training too hard and nearly died! And he's stopped training! That's even more unbelievable than me stopping training. I thought that people were over Dad's death. I also thought, selfishly, that Dad's death had affected Mom and I the most. Now I think that it affected Vegeta worse._

 _I never approached him about it. I knew better. Instead, I kept my thoughts to myself. I pondered it personally. I still am. I don't quite understand why he stopped, and Bulma refused to tell me. She said that he only trained with Trunks. Still don't know if that's supposed to be endearing, or if he's just doing it to make the kid into a warrior. Either way, at least he's staying active._

 _While I was training in the woods by my house, I met a surprise visitor. Mirai Trunks! He was training as well and had "accidentally on purpose" chosen these woods. We both took a break to catch up. He told me that the first thing that he did when he returned to the future was kill both androids and Imperfect Cell. I congratulated him. Apparently, the rebuilding was going really good._

 _He told me that he hasn't been able to locate Sixteen at all, which worried him. I quickly helped him dismiss it. We both knew that he was stronger than Sixteen. He also said that they were really close to locating New Namek. He was practically hopping up and down when he told me that they were only a week away, if nothing went awry. I wanted to tell him not to get his hopes up, but I couldn't bring myself to do it._

 _Then he asked me how things were going in this timeline. I told him that everything was basically the same, minus Goku. I also warned him to be careful when he went to Capsule Corporation. I couldn't directly tell him about Vegeta's sudden change in attitude, but I hinted to it. He nodded, his happy expression from seconds ago not at all faltering._

 _Then he asked me how I was doing._

 _Now what was I supposed to tell him? 'Yeah, I'm great. Just, ya know, depressed and self harming and everything. The norm.' No, I couldn't say that to him. I just smiled and answered, "I'm fine." He seemed satisfied with the short response. If what he said was true, and we were close in his timeline, then he probably knew that I've never been one for words._

 _After we finished talking, we started sparring. We started in base form, but we both ended up transforming. I refused to ascend. By any means. Not only because Trunks can't, but because it scares the living crap out of me. I was a monster when I ascended during the Cell Games. The thoughts that ran through my head..._

 _I had felt such blind pain and anger, which had caused me to ascend in the first place. When I looked at Dad and his friends to see if they were okay...I tried to control it...but I couldn't. I only had a split second where I thought those thoughts were wrong before embracing them. I'm still ashamed and embarrassed._

 _I had looked at them like they were prey! I had thought only about who would be the funniest to kill. How delightful it would be to hear their screams and see their blood on my hands. I wanted to murder all of them. Dad, Krillin, Trunks...everyone! My attention had eventually been drawn back to the Cell Jr's, whom I killed in cold blood._

 _You wouldn't have been able to tell by looking at me, but I was having the time of my life as I murdered them. Then I started to bear on Cell. I could have easily overpowered him. I could have beaten him and no one would have had to die. But I was enjoying the suffering. I didn't want it to end. My Saiyan side was going rampant and I couldn't control it._

 _My human half wasn't completely innocent, either, though. My human half was glad to finally have power. To finally not be the little kid in need of help. I wasn't the baby of the group. I wasn't the one in danger. I wasn't the one getting mercilessly beat on. No, now I was the one doing the beating! Revenge had felt sweet! Both sides of me were enjoying the pain and suffering. So much so that I ignored the cries of my father and the others._

 _I ignored their cries to stop. I ignored their pleas to finish him off. I ignored them all. I made them fear for their lives. And I did it knowingly. In my mind, what I thought was, no one can stop me from having so much fun. Or from having revenge. I knowingly ignored my elders, the adults who had been fighting since long before I was born. And two people died because of it. Because of my foolishness. I killed Trunks, and I killed my father._

 _But now I spared with Trunks, as If none of that had happened. As if neither of us had a care in the world, though we both had huge responsibilities. I have to admit, as much as I hate fighting, it's great for letting off steam. Stress relief. I know that's what I was doing, and I could tell that Trunks was getting the same benefits._

 _By this point, I was more-or-less back into the groove when it came to fighting. It was the age difference that I was worried about. We were on even grounds for a while, but then I started winning. After a few minutes of kicking to snot out of him, I had him cornered against a curved cliff. He instinctively reached for his sword._

 _He had forgotten that we had removed it at the beginning of the battle, declaring this was a melee spar only. It lay on the ground, a mile or two behind us. His eyes widened when he remembered that his usual win-all was gone. I saw the look in his eyes. In his facial features. I've seen it before, a few times. It's the look that our enemies wear when they're backed into a corner and are trying desperately to search for a last-ditch effort to win._

 _I watched as Trunks searched for his last-ditch effort. His eyes staring at some non-existent entity far in the distance. Remembering my mistake from the Cell Games, I charged at him, hoping that his brain was slower than I was. Unfortunately for me, I had forgotten that he was a Briefs. He put his hands over his head almost as quickly as I remembered to charge. I was stunned when the yellow beam hit me head on. It hit me before I had registered his verbal warning._

 _I was quick to bounce back, physically. Mentally, I was still stuck on that move. How did he know it? I thought Piccolo was dead before Trunks started training? Trunks had already used my confusion to attack me, landing a devastating blow to my knee, causing me to fall. He quickly pinned me down. He smiled victoriously. He seemed proud of himself._

 _"How in the world did I beat you?" Trunks asked as he climbed off of me. He offered a hand to help me to my feet._

 _I graciously accepted it, the pain in my knee making it difficult to stand. I made a mental note to have Mom look at it later. "Where'd you learn that?" I had asked. My confusion was greater than my minor pain. Trunks laughed at my confusion as he asked for clarification. "The Masenko. Mr. Piccolo couldn't possibly have taught it to you, because he's dead in your timeline, right?"_

 _Trunks had nodded, confusion growing. "Of course he is. I told you that."_

 _"Then how do you know that's attack?" I insisted._

 _"You taught it to me, of course." He said to me. I managed to keep my surprise hidden and we parted I ways. I went back home and had Mom checked my knee out. She says that it was a bad sprain, but nothing more. She gave me crutches to use for a day until she got a senzu from Krillin. She said that she would give it to me when we were on our way to the tournament._

 _Which brings us to earlier today._

 _Today was the Intergalactic Martial Arts Tournament. The Intergalactic part comes from the fact that the man running the tournament hired actors to play fake aliens. I think it was supposed to be cool. It really would have been, if I didn't know real life aliens. Or, should I say, if I wasn't a real life alien. It kind of ruins the mystery of it all._

 _We arrived at the tournament and saw that I wasn't the only one who entered. As soon as we entered, we saw Bulma, holding Trunks, as well as Mirai Trunks, Tien, Mr. Piccolo, and Yamcha. I was relieved that I wasn't the only overpowered person. I might get a decent fight today after all. Mom, Goten, and I went over and conversed with the other Z Fighters until the announcer began to speak._

 _He said everything an announcer should day at a martial arts tournament. He thanked every one for coming and then got them all hyped to watch the fighting. He then told anyone who had entered to go onto the stadium for a free-for-all battle. I said goodbye as my mother wished me good luck and went to go find a seat, leaving Goten in an area designated for babies. Bulma didn't do the same, and intended kept Trunks close._

 _As soon as we were told to start, everything got crazy. There were hundreds of people, all trying to be one of the final four. The final four, who weren't knocked off into the water below, would be allowed to move to the final round where we would face the 'aliens'. The prospect excited me, so I started fighting. I was knocking people off the edge left and right. I was like an unstoppable force._

 _Eventually, I found Krillin. He didn't seem happy that I entered. It, apparently, discouraged him that I was there because I was so much stronger. So, being the nice guy I am, I didn't fight him. I, instead, kept kicking butt. In the end, the four people who made it to the final round were me, Mirai Trunks, Krillin, and another human._

 _To get to the final arena, we had to ride in little cars. Almost like we were racing, but we were going to different locations. The ride itself was like a carnival ride! I enjoyed it with all the childish pleasure that I should. I relished the feeling, wishing that I could keep it. Wishing that I wouldn't have to be grown up after this tournament. But all it was, was wishful thinking._

 _I exited my car as soon as I got to my location. The only way that I can describe it you, journal, is that it looked like a baby's subconscious threw up all over the place. That didn't hinder my fun, though, because my opponent showed up very quickly. I turned to face him. The first thing I noticed was his blue skin and his turban. Original._

 _One thing unsettled me, though. His blue skin didn't look like face paint. It looked natural. Like it was his actual skin color, It's not like I was scared. I've seen worse. But these were supposed to be fake aliens. And humans don't have blue skin. I had dismissed the thought, thinking myself silly. He couldn't be a real alien, right?_

 _I was very wrong._

 _What I had thought was a friendly spar soon became much more. It became quite obvious that he was trying to kill me. Fear only passed me for a second before I went into world-saving mode. The one-on-one deathmatch quickly became more. The scenery around us became a cityscape. And the the blue guy had friends._

 _It had became another one of those days._

 _The fight was more or less what they always are. Some of us fight, and everyone but a Son gets their asses handed to them. Except it wasn't quite like that. The leader of their group, Bojack, had come to Earth looking for Dad. But Dad's dead, so he had to deal with me. He and his group kicked my butt. They were strong, and I knew I was stronger, but doubt was flowing through my veins. It has become a normal occurrence._

 _It was the same doubt that almost got me killed when I fought Cell. Except this time, Vegeta wasn't coming to my rescue. I tried everything I could, except ascend. I was too scared. The thought of turning into that monster again clouded my judgement. And I paid for it dearly, in more ways than one. Physically, I had been all but dead. Mentally, I will never be able to forgive him...But I hadn't known that part at the time. All I knew was that I was probably going to die. I started reciting my final prayers. I'll quote them in here quickly, as I have them memorized._

 _"Dear Dende, I'm sorry for all the wrong-doings in my life. I'm sorry that I was such a mess up in life, and I promise to try and be a better person in death. Please help protect Goten and Mom. All that matters is that these creeps don't kill them. Please give the others the strength to protect the Earth. I clearly wasn't good enough to take Dad's position as savior of the Earth._

 _"Please tell Mom that I'm sorry. For everything. For arguing with her, for fighting, for sneaking out of the house, for training, for complaining, for going to Namek when she didn't want me to, for not being the strongest or the smartest, for not being the son that she wanted. Tell her that I'm sorry that I had to leave her and Goten. That I tried my best and it just wasn't enough. That they were just too her that me and Dad will watch over her from Otherworld._

 _"Do me a huge favor, Dende. Don't tell Goten. Don't tell him anything about me. If he asks, I'm his distant cousin that never visits anymore or something. Make up an excuse. Whatever you do, don't tell him the truth. Don't tell hims about my...issues...don't tell him that I'm his older brother, don't tell him about the Saiyans, or Frieza, or the Cell Games, or Bojack. I don't want him viewing me as a failure. I don't want him to get sucked into the world of fighting like I did if I can help it._

 _"Dad...I'm coming for you, Dad. I'm sorry that I failed. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough. You would have been. I tried, Dad, I really did. I promise, I swear! But, on the optimistic side of things, if there is one, I'll see you again soon. If what you said is true, and Z Fighters get to keep their bodies when they die, then I'll be able to feel you.; wrap my arms around you and hug you. And you'll do the same. You'll return the hug, won't you? Of course you would. I'm coming, Dad...I'm coming..."_

 _And that's when I felt a change. By this point, I had been thrown aside, like a piece of trash or a used toy. I was falling through the air, rapidly losing altitude. By this time I had given up on trying to think, I braced myself for the inevitable impact of the ground and myself. But I felt the weightless feeling in my stomach vanish, implying that I had slowed, and I felt something supporting me - carrying me. With what little strength I had left, I opened my eyes._

 _I shouldn't have._

 _Right there, breaking my fall, carrying me to the ground, holding me, was my father. I muttered to him, still in a daze. At first, I thought I was imagining it. I thought my brain was making familiar images appear, messing with my senses, trying to make my death as comfortable as it could possibly be. But then he spoke. He spoke so gently, I knew that it had to be him. It just had to be! He spoke to me, set me down, and then left. Inspired by my father, I felt my power renew itself. I felt amazing._

 _Until I realized two things._

 _The first thing that I realized was that I still wasn't strong enough. Yes, my power was renewed, but it really didn't increase. Okay, that's a lie. I did receive a slight Zenkai boost, but it still wasn't enough. Both Bojack and his lackies were too strong for me. If I had tried to fight them again at that moment, I would have ended up in the situation I had just been in, but worse. I probably would have died, and that probably would have been the end of the Earth as I knew it._

 _But I just had to use my Dende DAMN BRAIN, DIDN'T I?_

 _Dad came down. Yes, he was a ghost, but he couldn't have consoled Mom ONCE? That's all she needed. He couldn't have appeared at Goten's birth? Krillin's wedding? Stopping my habits? None of this occurred to him as important enough until today. Until the Earth was in trouble. As soon as me dying came in the way of the Earth being safe, he decided 'oh hey, maybe I should save the kid or somethin' I dunno'! He didn't care about me._

 _It was about the fighting._

 _Realizing that was the biggest mistake I've made in my life up until now._

 _It hit me like a hurricane. Like a cannonball fired straight into my chest. It knocked the wind out of me and made me nauseous all at once. I felt lightheaded. Dad...he came because of the fighting. It's always been about the fighting! The reason he's missed half of my childhood, and all of Goten's life thus far! The Saiyans, Namek, Cell...Achieving Super Saiyan, the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, going out with Cell...and the worst realization I made in that split minute was...he refused to come back to life so that he could train!_

 _Dende damn training! He caused Mom SO MUCH PAIN BECAUSE OF FUCKING TRAINING! He's not here for his youngest son because he wanted to train. He missed one of his best friend's wedding! He's made Mom so miserable...it pains me to see her in the state that she is. It might be my imagination, but I think that she might be getting physically sick because of the stupid fucking stunt that Dad is pulling. ALL BECAUSE OF TRAINING!_

 _Look, now I broke my highlighter. I'm using a freaking green crayon now. Not that Dad would give shit, Anyways, with this realization new and fresh in my mind, I felt my anger rise exponentially. I tried to hold it in, but it hurt. It hurt so, so bad. Similarly to how I'm hurting now, but to a much, much larger degree. It hurt was too much for me to tolerate which, mind you, is quite a bit. My muscles gave in, my fear not being taken into consideration by my pained body. I became my worst nightmare. I ascended._

 _From what I can remember (because I'm pretty sure this moment classified as one of my 'rage moments, and I can't remember those very well at all) this time wasn't much better than it was at the Cell Games. I remember being just as bloodthirsty and as cruel as I had before. Just thinking about it now scares me. Thing is, as soon as I ascended, I wasn't scared of it. Instead, I...I embraced it. I thought that 'this is what a true Saiyan should feel like'._

 _I needed to take my anger out on something, anything! I guess I do have some luck, because I managed to spot Bojack before I spotted my friends. I looked at him, ki flaring, hatred and bloodlust in my eyes, and stated what was probably the least-nerdy-most-badass thing I've ever said and probably won't be topped. "I know your kind. You think you can just waltz in and just take our planet." Bojack only laughed, so I continued. "But you forgot one thing I'm my Father's son!" I had said it all in one breath. Then, long story short, I kicked his ass._

 _Afterward, I stayed in the hospital until they gave me a senzu. The doctor was mystified, but allowed me to be discharged. There was no reason for me not to be. Luckily, my battle wounds hid my scars from my *couch cough* habit. Now, here I sit, later that night, writing in a purple leather journal. I sit here, writing to you, arms bloodied, hair golden, and eyes a brilliant teal. Like I said, I couldn't hold back the Super Saiyan transformation, but Dende be damned if I ascend over that fucktard, sorry excuse for a father again._

 _Do I sound mad? Does my writing come of as mean or aggressive? Good, because that's what I wanted. That's how I feel right about now. I mean, I have the right and good reason to be! I just figured out that my whole perception of who my father is was a lie! That reality was a whole one-hundred-eighty degrees from what I thought that it was! So if I sound mad, suck it up because I'm pissed off!_

 _Dad, I have a few things that I need to tell you...but I'm not sure how to say them. I'm not even sure that I wanna write it in here, in the small, small chance that I'm wrong about you. But again, I don't even know what to write. My mind and the few creatives juices I have are being stifled by my blinding rage. I'm at a loss for words, Dad. Not that I was ever good with them in the first place, but still._

 _It didn't help at all. I was hoping that writing down what happened today would make me feel better. But it didn't. I'm still pissed and I'm still in great pain. I think I'm losing the battle with Super Saiyan 2. But my willpower is strong. I have to go now anyway, I have to go eat dinner. No idea how I'm going to do that as a Super Saiyan, but food is food. And nothing is going to stand I'm the way of me and it._

* * *

 **A/N: I've been super excited to write this! This is the chapter I've been waiting to write this since long before I started Gohan's Journal. I hope that I did it justice. This is more of an average length chapter for me, so that's exciting, right?**

 _IMPORTANT_ **: Now I have a question for all you peoples out there. What other scenes (before Buu) do you want me to write about? I've already covered all pre-Buu scenes that I wanted to, and I'm out of ideas. Leave requests in the reviews (comedy, angsty, anything) and I'll probably write a chapter on it. I need your guys' help if u want this story to continues without a five-year time-skip.**

 **Thanks as always for reading, and don't be shy to leave a review. No idea is too stupid for me to write!**


	7. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

 **It's been a while since I posted Chapter 6 of this story, and trust me, I want to update as much as you crave the update.**

 **But I can't do that until I get help from you guys.**

 **I have no idea what to type next.**

 **All of the idea's that come to my mind take place after the seven-year time-skip from the series, and I don't wanna take such a big leap.**

 **That's where you guys come in.**

 **I need you guys to send me ideas for chapters that I can write that will take place during those seven years.**

 **Really, there isn't any idea that I won't write about at this point.**

 **I really wanna update.**

 **So, leave idea's in a review or PM me.**

 **Thanks!**

 **~animegirl336**


	8. Krillin's Daughter

**A/N: First thing's first. I need to thank my twelve-year-old younger sister, Sammy. She gave me the idea.**

 **I have two more planned chapters as of right now after this one and hopefully I'll have the time to type them up quickly.**

 **I would like to say ahead of time how VERY VERY SORRY I am that this chapter is so short! Between schoolwork, stress at home, sports/play practice, I have to type these during Study Hall, if I don't have homework to do then either.**

 **I am so, so, so, so, so, sorry.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

"I know, Mom." Gohan insisted.

Chi-Chi sighed, setting down her bags. "I'm just making sure."

"I'm going to hang in my room, okay Mom?" Gohan asked, desperate to get away.

Chi-Chi nodded. "That's okay, sweetie. Have fun!"

Gohan nodded and feigned laughter. "Heh heh, sure." He walked down the hall and into his bedroom, performing the now very familiar ritual. He frowned a little bit when he saw the messy green crayon that happened to be his previous entry. His attitude brightened a bit when he remembered that he finally had another happy entry to write.

 _Hey Journal. The last entry was...rather depressing. I have a way more light-hearted one for today. I should have put it in the last entry, but I had bigger things on my mind at the time. Being completely honest, I still haven't quite come to grips with the reality of what Dad did, but I'm certainly dealing with it better._

 _Okay, maybe that's a little white lie. I'm not dealing with anything better. My best friend is still my razor and I think I may have a little more insight as I try to reason and rationalize what Dad did._

 _He obviously stayed dead to train. He completely disregarded Goten, Mom, and I. I know all of that. My main concern is_ _why_ _he needed to train. My personal belief is that he needed to train because he knew I was too weak. If my fight with Cell had proved anything, it's that I'm incapable of being a trustworthy fighter._

 _He knows that I'm too weak to take over his job as protector of the Earth. He realizes that I'm a failure and a disgrace to the Son name. So he stayed dead to train so that if the time came, no,_ _when_ _the time came that I couldn't protect the Earth, he'd be able to step in and prove just how awful I am. It's the only rational explanation I can think of for Dad to do something that selfish: to make up for my incompetence._

 _I mean, think about it. There's_ _no way_ _that Dad would be stupid enough to make such a selfish decision, right? I'm not claiming that he's the smartest man on Earth, he's nowhere near, but he's not_ _that_ _dumb._

 _Anyway, I promised a lighthearted entry, and this has been anything but. So I'll move on and get straight to the point._

 _Yesterday, Krillin's child was born._

 _No, this isn't out of nowhere. I admit, I should have written it in here sooner, but I just hadn't gotten to it. The day after the battle against Bojack, before things had even had a chance to calm down, Eighteen had announced that she was three weeks pregnant. Needless to say, we were more than a little shocked. We hadn't even known for sure if she could even safely carry children, let alone conceive one. Apparently Gero had actually known what he was doing after all._

 _As confused and surprised as we were, we are still very happy for her and for Krillin. I don't know Eighteen very well, so I can't speak for her, but I know that Krillin has wanted to start a family since Frieza had killed him. It had really opened his eyes, which is why he had started dating Maron. She was a huge idiot, but she was nice and she was pretty._

 _Unfortunately for Krillin, the only name that he could think of for his baby was Marron. I almost said something, but decided against it. It would be best, and safest,_ _not_ _to piss off the ex-evil android. Let's all just hope that she never finds out where her daughter's name really came from, or we'll all be dead. Or, at least, Krillin would be. But it would be my job to protect him._

 _I'm not afraid for the little girl, not really. Even though Eighteen may have had problems in the past, she's totally cool now. If anybody had their doubts before, I'd hope that her having a baby would make those doubts disintegrate. And as for Krillin, he's done a damn good job setting an example for me. I'm sure that he'll do the same for his own kid._

 _Marron has two great parents, plus Roshi, and the rest of us will help out too. It's the least I can do. They all helped raise me, so now I need to repay them. Plus, I have Goten to raise. Raising him is proving to be much more difficult than I had originally thought that it would be, but I'm doing fine._

 _Better than Dad would have._

 _Goten seems to be pretty pleased with how everything's going. The only complaint that he ever has is how hungry he is. It's to be expected. And his vocabulary isn't too bad either. Mom is teaching him quite a bit, but nowhere near as much as she made me study at his age. I don't yet know whether that's a good or a bad thing, but we'll find out eventually._

 _He's absolutely, undeniably, unrivaled, adorable. He makes the cutest faces and the cutest noises and does the most original things. I mean, I don't know many babies, but I think that my brother is the best. He's so much like Dad...even his hair is coming in quickly, just as mine had. But unlike mine, Goten's has already taken the shape of Dad's._

 _He's an exact copy of Dad. Even his smile is the trademarked Son grin. It...makes him hard to look at sometimes. But I don't let how much I miss Dad, or how mad I am at Dad, get in the way of raising my little brother. And let me tell you, there is no better feeling than when Goten calls me 'poopa' (he tries to say papa, but can't quite seem to get it right. I'm still honored)._

 _That's all I can write for now. I have a shitload of homework to get done. Even though I'm raising Goten, my homework schedule had not gotten any less hectic. Some things will never change, I guess._


	9. I Need To Know

**A/N: I really wanted to write this chapter. Really bad. But I can't do that in Journal form. So, for my ease, this will NOT be an entry. The next one may or may not be. I'm sorry. But this will still be from 1st person.**

 **This chapter was suggested by mafiaseargent.**

 **Enjoy**

* * *

He's here. I know it. If he's not here, then he wouldn't be found. But he is here. Which is why I came. "Mr. Piccolo!" I called to him.

I heard a soft _thud_ behind me, signalling to my brain that he has landed behind me. From where he came, I didn't know. "What's up, kid?"

I took a deep breath. "I need to know about my dad."

"What about him?" Piccolo asked, his voice as emotionless as usual.

I answered him, without turning around. "He's not here, Mr. Piccolo." It was said through gritted teeth and with clenched fists attached to my hips. "Why is he not here?"

I heard the grass move under his feet as he shifted his weight. "You know why he isn't here, Gohan."

"Do I, though? Do I really?" He asked.

Piccolo sighed. "Gohan, you were there. You saw it. Cell, he-"

"I know what Cell did." Gohan reminded him. "I was right in front of my Dad when he sacrificed himself. I wasn't on the cliff like you guys were."

"Then why are you asking me this question?"

"Because he should still be here." I stated. I clenched my fists even tighter.

I heard Piccolo sigh with annoyance. "Gohan, you're a kid genius. You know that's not how death works."

"For normal people." I argued. "That's not how death works _for normal people_. Different rules of death apply to us abnormal others."

I felt Piccolo's hand on my shoulder. I was surprised, so I didn't react in time. He spun me around so that I was looking at him. I directed my gaze to my shoes, which were suddenly very interesting. "What are you getting at, kid?"

"N-Nothing." I retracted. "I shouldn't have even came here." I floated up and turned to fly back to my house. _This is stupid. I don't need to know. I don't want to know. I shouldn't even have came. I'm a terrible person for even assuming as much._ With embarrassment flowing through me, I flinched when I felt something grab onto my ankle. I looked down. "Mr. Piccolo?"

He pulled me back down to be ground and pointed. Picking up on his hint, I sat down cross-legged on the damp, early morning grass. He followed suit. "Is something troubling you?" His eyes darted to both my arms and back to my face quickly, probably hoping that I wouldn't notice. "You don't still believe that it's your fault he's dead, do you?"

 _Oh yeah. Piccolo's the only person who knows about that_. I rolled my eyes. "That's not why I'm here."

"That doesn't answer my question."

A pause in our conversation began when I didn't respond. Didn't know how to. We both sat there in silence. He was waiting for an answer that I wasn't willing to give. I was sitting through my thoughts in an attempt to figure out a coherent question to ask. I had finally figured one out and opened my mouth to ask it. The question that came out, though, did not match the one in my head. "Would you have done it?"

Piccolo's expression did not waver. "Would I have done what?"

I sighed. "He's not here, Mr. Piccolo. Why is he not here?" The question was asked softer this time, but it was more dense. The anger and frustration had somehow been melted into a wet, gooey mix of sadness and disbelief.

"I don't know how you expect me to answer that question, Gohan." Piccolo said, annoyance quickly turning into anger. "You keep asking it, and I keep telling you the same thing."

"I think you do, Mr. Piccolo." I argued immediately. My nerves automatically realized what I had done, before my brain did. My muscles tightened up and braced for the impact before my brain had caught up. Once it did, I panicked. I had never stood up to Mr. Piccolo like that before, and if I had, I got a beating. Surprise surfaced when no such blow came.

He grunted. "You're right. But do you really want my honest answer?" I nodded. "In your... _current_ emotional state, I wouldn't think it wise to take this head-on."

"I'm fine, Mr. Piccolo!" I insisted. "I have to know. I just _have to._ If I don't, I'll just be stuck with wondering about it forever, which wouldn't be good for me either."

Piccolo didn't answer at first. He sat, contemplating. "Fine, have it your way, kid."

"Thank you, Mr. Piccolo!" I exclaimed.

"Just remember, you may not like what you hear."

I nodded. "I know. I already..." I trailed off. Although I still faced Piccolo, I didn't move my head, my eyes seemed to really like the green beneath me.

Piccolo narrowed his eyes. "Gohan."

Seeing the parallels between this conversation and our previous one, I gave in without a fight. I knew I'd lose. "I already have a hypothesis." I admitted. I spoke really fast next. "But it's probably wrong!"

"Let's hear this _hypothesis_ of yours."

I took a deep breath, correctly wording the sentence in my head before I spoke. I had been taught meticulously how to properly write a hypothesis. "If Dad stayed dead, then he would be able to train without interruption because he wouldn't have to deal with us as distractions."

"Say it again. _Without_ the formality this time, please."

I gulped. Without the formality, I was nothing. I could barely speak. But I knew that Piccolo wouldn't take that as an excuse. I said the only thing that came to my mind. "He's not here, Mr. Piccolo. Why is he not here?"

"What do _you_ think, Gohan." Piccolo asked. I shrugged. He sighed. "Your mother isn't here. Your father isn't here. It's only me, and I'm allowing you to speak freely for once." I nodded, showing him that I understood. "Are you really going to pass up that opportunity?"

I shook my head. This may be the only time I'll be able to freely speak my mind. There's _no way_ I'm missing this opportunity, no matter if I can form a sophisticated sentence or not. "I think..."

"Yes?"

"I think that Dad abandoned us." I said aloud. Even though I had come to that realization much before then, I had never said it aloud. Speaking it made the reality of it hit hard. I felt my eyes water.

Piccolo nodded. "What do you mean, abandoned you?"

I should have saw what Piccolo was doing. I should have seen the trick; that he was leading me. But I didn't. My mind was too fogged and clouded as I was given something that was completely new to me: _freedom_. "He...we could have brought him back, Mr. Piccolo." Piccolo nodded again. "We could have asked Porunga.

"But that's not what happened, Mr. Piccolo." I shook my head. My voice wavered a bit. "He stayed dead. He _willingly chose to not be alive_. What he did, in a way, was suicide. And you said it yourself, Mr. Piccolo. 'Suicide is a stupid idea. A stupid, _fucking_ idea.'"

"I did say that. But I said it to _you_." Piccolo reminded me. "Plus, the context was completely different. What makes what your father did any worse than what you _almost_ did?"

I gulped, trying to keep the lump in my throat at bay. "Because I needed him. Nobody would have needed me."

"What about Goten?"

I looked down. "If Dad had came back, Goten would have had a real father."

"And without you, he wouldn't have even had a big brother. He may not have even had a _father figure_ at all."

I nodded. "I know that now, Mr. Piccolo. But Dad is still in the wrong, isn't he?"

Piccolo let out a long breath. "In my opinion, what he did was wrong."

"I-"

"But!" Piccolo interrupted, "He had done it with good intentions."

"G...good intentions?" I questioned. My clouded judgement was as evident more evident ham ever. Not only was I talking back to Piccolo, but I was freely speaking my mind in a pessimistic fashion. "He left me, Mr. Piccolo. Me, Mom, Goten...he didn't even consider us!

"I understand that Dad didn't necessarily have a father figure growing up, but that's no excuse for treating his family like shit! Mom misses him! Do you know how many times I've heard Mom crying because she's so stressed, or sick, or aching, or all three!"

"Gohan-"

I ignored his attempt to speak. It resulted in a slap from Piccolo. I barely felt the slap. He gestured at me. I had also not noticed when I had let e forbidden tears fall. Again, Piccolo nodded. I curled up on the ground, my bent knees on the grass. I could have been praying for all anyone knew. I let out a sob, then another, then another. But hey were silent.

I pounded my fists into the ground, trying to keep my power under Super Saiyan level. I ripped some grass out of the ground and threw it. The wind carried it away. My tears mixed with the dew in the grass as I let out my anger, resentment, sadness, everything, in the most peaceful way that I knew how.

"How..." I asked. My voice was raw and shaky. "How could what he did be spun as _good_?"

"Your father is trying to get stronger. He's doing it to protect you." Piccolo stated. "As he his enemies grow stronger, he needs to as well." I shook my head. I couldn't understand. "He was weaker than Cell. That's why had you fight him. He needs to be ready for whatever threat comes next. One most likely stronger than Cell."

"But...I saw him." I told Piccolo. I didn't sit up. "I saw him when we fought Bojack. He was tangible."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It means that he could have showed up at anytime." I explained. Each word hurt my sore throat, but not enough to keep me from talking. "He could have warned me about Goten. He could have stopped me from cutting when I had first started. He could have knocked the Tylenol out of my hands. He could held Mom's hand through labor.

"He could have showed up to Krillin's wedding. He could have see Marron. He could have been at his youngest son's first birthday. He could have made sure that Mom wouldn't have even considered aborting Goten. But guess what, Mr. Piccolo.

"He did none of that! Not a single one! He only showed up once fighting became involved!" I stood up and punched a hole straight through the trunk of a tree. Piccolo walked over.

"That's very true. I'm not gonna lie." He told me honestly. I wiped my face. I could feel our conversation coming to an end, and I didn't wanna go home looking like a wreck. "But what you believe and how you chose to view it is up to you."

"Thanks, Mr. Piccolo." I said. "I really needed to have this conversation."

He nodded. "Anytime, kid." He turned around as he prepared to fly. "Good job standing up to me back there."

"T-thank you, Mr. Piccolo." I thanked. I wasn't expecting to be complimented on that.

Piccolo said one last sentence before he flew away. "Hey, just call me 'Piccolo'"


	10. A Much Needed Spar

"That was delicious, Mom! Thanks!" I said as I shoved my final forkful of food into my mouth

Mom reached over the table and rubbed the top of my head. "No problem, sweetie."

I looked to my left. I rubbed the head of the adorable kid sitting next to me in his high chair. "What about you, Goten? What'd you think?" I received a gurgled response of laughter and clapping. "I think he liked it, Mom."

"I think so too." Mom agreed. She cleaned up our dishes while I took Goten out of his high chair and set him on the floor. He toddled over to his toy blocks and started stacking them. I smiled and sat down, helping him with the task. He had a lot of blocks, and he was trying to stack them in one straight stack. He almost managed to do it, but after the ninth block the tower fell. Goten began crying.

I picked him up and set him in my lap. I held him close, hugging him in a paternal fashion. "Shh," I cooed, "it's okay Goten. You can rebuild the tower."

"Poopa!" Goten cried. I rubbed the top of his head. He squeezed my index and middle fingers as he always did when he was upset. I heard his crying stop and he started restacking the blocks.

I smiled. He was so innocent and so happy...now all he has to do is stay that way. So far, I think I've done a pretty good job of raising Goten. Even though he was still so young, only three, I still felt a fatherly pride in him. Mom walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder. Together, we watched Goten happily play with his blocks.

"You'll make a good father, ya know." Mom said. I looked up at her, confused.

"What do you mean?"

She laughed. "When you get older, silly." She clarified. "When you have your own children, you'll be a great father."

I shook my head quickly. "Oh no. No, no, no."

"What? Do you not want kids when you get older?"

I shook my head again. "No, not really. I think raising Goten will be enough for me."

Mom shrugged. "Whatever you say."

She began to walk out of the room, but I stopped her before she was out of earshot. "Hey Mom! If I ever _think_ about having kids when I get older, hit me with the frying pan!" She laughed at my request, but nodded her head nonetheless and exited the room.

My own kids...I don't think so. Raising Goten is challenging enough. I don't think I could handle any of my own. A child who was half me...yeah, no. Plus, with my luck, I probably inherited Dad's parenting skills. I wasn't all that good with children in the first place. The only reason I can handle Goten is because it's barely any different than raising Dad.

I looked back at Goten. He was playing so happily and so freely. I bet I used to play like that too. When I wasn't being forced to study, that is. I suddenly found it hard to breathe as I thought of Dad. The talk with Piccolo was only a few days ago, but it has never left my mind for more than a few minutes. His words still rang clear through my head.

 _But what you believe and how you choose to view it is up to you._

I sighed. I had no idea what to think. He was guilty. That much I had decided for sure. But I don't know if I'm supposed to be mad or not. It's a stupid question, I know. I'm not an idiot. But...how do you hold a grudge with a parent?

Confusion, anger, guilt, and more coursed through me as I watched Goten play. He was so happy. He giggled and smiled at me as he successfully stacked blocks as much as he could reach. I leaned over and gave him a gentle hug. He got up and toddled down the hall, probably to find Mom. I stood up.

Goten...I loved playing with the kid. I loved being his big brother. I love being his father. I love him. There's no doubt about that, and nothing could ever change it. But looking at him was just...painful. His hair, his facial features, his laugh, his smile...all identical to Dad's. I wrote a note saying where I was going and left it on the table. I wouldn't be long...hopefully.

LINE

I knocked on the door. No answer. Could it really be that he wasn't in there? He always was. Well, he always was until Dad died. Now he's only in there when he's training his son. I walked up to the back door and knocked there. This time, I received an answer. "Hello?"

I smiled at the blue-haired woman that stood in front of me. "Hey Bulma. May I please talk to Vegeta?"

Her surprise was evident, no one ever talked to Vegeta and I was his rival's son so it was doubly bad, but she nodded and let me in nonetheless. "He's upstairs in our room."

I nodded and started up the stairs. Halfway up, a thought occurred to me. Since when did Vegeta share a room with Bulma. I mean, I'm very aware of the fact that they have a four-year-old son, but since when did they _share a room_? I pushed the question aside and continued up the stairs and down the hallway to where I knew Bulma's room was. I knocked and received no answer.

"Vegeta?" I asked. I heard a grunt. Not an 'okay' grunt either. It was a 'go away or I'll kick your ass' grunt. It didn't matter either way to me, so I entered. The look of anger that he shot me when I entered the room didn't surprise me one bit. That was just Vegeta for ya. By now, we've all learned to deal with his attitude.

"Go away, brat." He said. I rolled my eyes. I was not in the mood to deal with his shit. Being nice to Bulma while in a bad mood wasn't hard. She was always super nice to me. Vegeta, in the other hand, was a whole other story.

I shook my head. "No."

His eyes widened in anger. If it weren't for the fact that I was stronger than him (I surpassed him not too soon before the Cell Games), I would have been scared. But I wasn't. I stood my ground. "You little brat..." He growled through gritted teeth.

"You. Me. GR. Now." I demanded. He was surprised for only a second before he covered it up. Was me wanting to spar with him _that_ surprising? Oh wait...it is.

"Why?" He questioned.

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you really going to pass up an opportunity to spar with the only living fighter strong enough to provide you with a challenge?"

Vegeta grunted. He stood up. He grabbed me by my arm, causing me to hiss in pain, and dragged me into the Gravity Room. He tossed me in and shut the door behind us. Vegeta lowered into a fighting stance. I put my hand up. "Hey! Wait a second!"

"What is it?" He asked. His eyes narrowed. He growled in frustration. "Take it off brat."

I nodded. I had left my house hastily, and as a result I was still wearing one of my nice, button down shirts that Mom made me wear. If I sparred against Vegeta in it...she'd kill me. I unbuttoned it and tossed it on the grass outside. I shut the door on my way back in. Mom could handle some grass stains. "Now I'm good."

I was the first one to lower into a fighting stance the time and Vegeta was quick to follow. I waited for him to make the first move. When he didn't, I burst forward sending my fist at Vegeta's torso. Vegeta caught the fist and pushed me back. But I had gotten really close to Vegeta before he pushed me back. When I had gotten closer, I saw that he didn't have his usual 'battle face' on.

I didn't let it hinder my reflexes though. Vegeta charged at me and I shot up into the air. He bounced off the wall quickly and his foot managed to make contact with my face. The force he used surprised me and I was slammed against the wall. The wind was knocked out of me but I stood back up. I thought about Dad.

I used my anger, harnessing it. Emotions fueling me, I attacked and was on the offensive once more. A rapid barrage of punches was my strategy, but they were coordinated. I transformed to add another layer to the fight, and Vegeta followed suit. I landed a punch to his gut. He wasn't staggered and managed to use my momentum against me.

With all of my weight going forward, Vegeta fell to his back - still remaining in the air - and I stumbled clumsily out of balance. While I was focused on regaining my balance, he served around me and grabbed my leg. He span me around and around and finally let go. I was, again, flung into a wall. By the time that I had stood back up this time, he was already on me again. I was forced into defense.

More and more thoughts of Dad made their way into my head, and they fought for the front spot. The more I got distracted, the more mistakes I made. My concentration slowly faded away. My defense became clumsy and left me open in several places. I, somehow, managed to get back on offense at some point (after many more painful failed attempts).

My attacks were sporadic. They weren't consistent, and lacked any real motive. I was simply letting out all of my pent up emotions on Vegeta, which had been my plan. By the end, I was barely conscious on the floor. I lay sprawled out on my back as I caught my breath. Vegeta loomed over me, as if challenging me to get up for the millionth time.

"I'm...out..." I said in between breaths. He grunted, but didn't move away. Instead, he made eye contact with me. I brought my fatigued arm up to my face to brush some blood out of them that had dripped down from my forehead when I had been sitting up. For whatever reason, Vegeta's glare unnerved me. What was even worse was that it reminded me of how Piccolo's glare would unnerve me. "What's...up...Vegeta?"

"Don't do that to yourself, brat." He said. He never broke eye contact as he spoke. His voice was monotonous, but still managed to sound slightly arrogant.

I grew confused. "Do...what...to myself?"

"Don't feign ignorance." Vegeta growled. "You know exactly what you've been doing. Did you think I wouldn't notice when you removed your shirt?" I didn't say anything, still confused. Vegeta must have picked up on this because he, frustrated, elaborated. "Hurting yourself, fool!"

I had just began to get my breathing to almost-regular intervals, and it's already hard to breathe again. "You...uh...saw that?"

He growled. "I'm not blind."

I pushed myself up, leaning again that he wall. I sat cross-legged. When I spoke, I sounded hysterical. Between even more thinking about my Dad, the stress of taking care of Goten and Mom, and this, I felt my grasp on my sanity slowly slipping. "Please don't say a word to anyone! _Please_!"

"My mouth is shut. Your mental health doesn't affect me." Vegeta reasoned. "So I have no reason to get involved."

"Oh my Dende, thank you!" I said, my hysterical tone still intact.

Vegeta ignored my thanks and walked out of the GR. Just as he reached the grass he spoke. "But I would advise you not to do it anymore."

I sat there on the floor of the GR until Bulma came and got me. She led me inside and gave me a sensu bean. She let me take a shower while my clothes washed and dried. I left the bathroom looking like Vegeta _hadn't_ almost beaten me to death in a spar. "Thanks Bulma!" I said, my sanity having returned with the shower.

"Anytime, Gohan. I know how rough Vegeta can be when training. He's nearly killed himself before because he was pushing way too hard." She said.

I nodded. "I should probably be getting home now, though."

Bulma smiled and waved, but only seconds later she scrunched her face together into an expression of anger. "You _did_ tell your mother that you were training with Vegeta, right?"

My stomach sank at her implication. What she was really asking was, ' _you're not acting like your father, are you?'_. I was offended that she would even compare the two of us. We're completely different! I answered quickly so that I could leave as fast as possible to save myself from further insults. "I left a note saying that I was heading to Capsule Corporation for a little while. I left out the part about Vegeta."

"Smart move. Your mother would not have approved." Bulma said. She shooed me out so that I wouldn't worry Mom. The flight home was peaceful and relaxing. As soon as I walked through the door, though, my reality check came quick. The sounds of Goten's cries could be heard from a while outside the house, but I hadn't noticed until I was hit with them on full blast.

"There you are!" Mom cried.

I stuck my hands up in front of me. "Mom, I can expl-"

"I'm not mad that you visited Bulma," Mom yelled. She had to get over Goten's cries somehow, "but I do need you to quiet your little brother!"

I nodded, understanding. Goten was crying because he missed me. I wasn't here to play with him. Instead, I selfishly went to Capsule Corporation in an attempt to make _myself_ feel better. I walked over to Goten and sat down in front of him. "Hey there, squirt."

At the sound of my voice next to him, Goten's cries silenced. A bright smile burst forth from his tear-stained face. He reached his small, chubby hands out toward me. I picked him up and sat him in my lap. He laughed and clapped, but it was a weak laugh. All of his screaming and crying had left him very tired. He quickly curled up and fell asleep.


	11. I Need To Tell Goten The Truth

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING!**

 **This chapter does get slightly intense at one point. Only slightly, but you can never be too careful with these things, am I right?**

 **With that said, enjoy the chapter!**

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A tear slid down Gohan's cheek, but he quickly wiped it away. He wouldn't allow himself that weakness. He sat down in his chair. Thank goodness he had gotten a new one. The other one had been getting quite small. He took out his journal and a pen. This needed to be written about.

 _Hey there Journal. Long time no see, huh? It's been a couple of years. They were rather uneventful. Until today, anyway. I'll admit, I've been trying to not use you. I thought that I needed to learn to handle my problems on my own. It's worked fine. Honestly, I could probably not write in here and be fine for a while, the last couple of years have been_ _tolerable_ _. They weren't great or amazing or anything._

 _I still mess up all the time. I still have some really bad habits. But nothing too extremely bad or extremely good has happened in quite a while. It's been kind of nice, having a short break from everything going wrong. But, as we know very well by now, that kind of peace cannot last. Unfortunately, today is my sixteenth birthday. Even though I can drive now, today is not everything that you would think it would be._

 _Five years. For five years, I've been Goten's father. For five years, I've raised a son that isn't mine. For five years, I've kept Dad's secret. But today, I had to. I'm sixteen and Goten is five. Soon enough, I'm not going to be able to raise the little guy anymore, and he'll have to know who his real father is. He deserves to know about Dad, and decide what he thinks about him by himself. Today was that day._

 _The day had started out fine, it really had. I got a big breakfast, a small party, presents, everything. Even the other Z Fighters came to hang out with me, since I didn't really have any friends of my own. Dende even managed to make it. It was swell. I got to sit and talk with the adults (now that I'm sixteen, everyone but Mom considers me an adult)_ _and_ _I got to play with Goten, Trunks, and Marron. It was the best of both worlds._

 _But then the party ended. The other Z Fighters left, leaving only my family and I at home. I couldn't help myself. I found myself wishing that Dad was there for my sixteenth birthday. I quickly dismissed the idea. I'm better off without him, aren't I? I'm raising Goten just fine by myself. Hmph. But...it got me thinking._

 _In the end, I decided it would be best to tell Goten. Not everything. Oh Dende no, not everything. He_ _is_ _still a little kid afterall. But...he should know that I'm not his real father. No more "poopa" for me. It's all "big brother" from here on out. That's what I told myself. I thought it would be rather simple. I said this to myself so many times that I had started to believe it enough to try it. I was greatly let down._

 _I waited until Mom was busy with something else. She was doing...I wouldn't say that she was doing "good", but she was doing "good enough" and I didn't dare have a conversation like this with her around. I sat Goten down on the couch. If I asked him really nice to do something, he'd do it with little argument. Same with Mom._

 _Goten was no where_ _near_ _as much of a pushover as I was, but he wasn't as rebellious as Trunks. But then again, Trunks has Vegeta's genes in him. Plus he has Bulma's too, which makes him have a head start on being super smart. Goten isn't as stupid as Dad, no one is, but he isn't as smart as I was at his age. But he was old enough to listen to what I had to say, and understand at least the basics of what I was getting at._

 _That's why I hadn't had a clue where to even start. Do I get straight to the point? Do I want to ease into it gently? So much had ran through my head at once. And what came out, probably hadn't been the best way to handle the situation. I said, and I quote, "I'm not your father". Goten responded by tilting his head to the side. I'll paraphrase, but this is basically how the conversation went:_

" _Yef you awer." Goten's voice was high pitched and childish. His words were soft. "Poopa!" The endearing term had yanked at my heartstrings. I almost couldn't do it, Journal. I almost didn't tell him. Didn't tell him about his father. I almost kept the small pleasure of being Goten's world to myself. But I just couldn't do that. That would've been selfish. And I've been too much of that._

" _No, Goten, you don't understand." He opened his mouth to speak again, but I hushed him. He silenced and patiently waited for me to continue. "I'm your big brother, not your father."_

" _Poopa?"_

" _Gohan." I had corrected him. "I'm your big brother, not your father." I paused and let him process the information. "Do you understand?"_

 _After a moment, Goten nodded. "Who poopa?"_

" _Your father..._ _our_ _father..." I started. Now was when I had to decided what to tell him, and what to leave out. "He was a very noble man. He had several great accomplishments."_

 _Goten smiled and bounced a bit. "What poopa do?"_

" _Well, he saved our planet several times from scary evil monsters." I dramatized. I ticked his tiny stomach a bit at the end of my sentence. He laughed and sent a kick at my face playfully. It didn't really hurt when it connected, as would be expected. "And, of course, he had you and I."_

 _I stood up and walked over to the closet. I reached up to the shelf at the top of it and grabbed one of the many frames that now resided up there. I figured that I could at least give Goten this, since I couldn't actually give him Dad. I handed him the picture. He took it and stared at it curiously. He had pointed a finger. "Wat 'dis?"_

 _I pointed at each person as I named them. The picture had consisted of Mom, Dad, and myself. It was taken just days before Raditz had shown up on Earth to fuck up my childhood and everything everyone thought they knew about Earth and about Dad. This meaning that all of us looked really young, especially me, but Goten seemed to brush over that after I pointed it out._

 _Journal, that boy hugged the frame and kissed the picture. "Imma keep it fowe eber and eber."_

 _Convinced that the five-year-old was satisfied with our life-changing conversation, I began to walk away. But his confused voice calling for me made me stop in my tracks. "Gowan?" My own name sounded foreign when it came out of the small boy's mouth. I remembered how to control my muscles and walked back over to the couch where he sat._

"' _Sup sport?"_

" _Where is Poopa?"_

 _I had felt myself begin to tear up before he had gotten two words into the sentence. All I need to hear was_ _where_ _and I knew I was in for it. I honestly didn't know if I could have this part of the conversation without my bias opinions coming out. I groped for words, I had searched for minutes as for where to begin and where to stop. But I couldn't do it._

 _Dende damn it, I just couldn't do it, Journal._

 _As I exited the room, I said what was probably the worst thing I could say. I could have told him to ask Bulma or Trunks the next time he was at Capsule Corp. (which was surprisingly often), but I didn't. I could have left the room in silence, but I didn't. I made a really fucking stupid decision. As I entered the hallway, right before I exited earshot, I growled, "He's dead."_

 _I DIDNT EVEN SAY IT KINDLY! I growled it through gritted teeth as my spite and resentment and anger at his selfish decision seeped through. I quickly made my way to the bathroom and grabbed my best friend. My razor. Just a simple shaving razor. I pushed all of my raw emotion from my head and chest through my arm. It flowed to my hand and into my razor. Just like a sword, it was an extention of my being._

 _I felt instant relief at the sharp pain as it tore four, short, thin lines across my arm. I felt the blood seep out as I started my second, then all I would need to do is grab some toilet paper and apply pressure; treat it like any other minor wound. Then I'd be good to go. I was halfway through the cut when I heard a small gasp._

 _I froze. My blood ran cold and my muscles tightened up so bad that I thought they might tear. I couldn't move at all. Not even my head. My eyes shot toward the door. I felt my eyes tear up horribly. I tried my damnedest to hold them back, but all it did was make them burn. I couldn't believe I had been that careless. I've never been that Dende damn careless! God, I'm an IDIOT!_

 _I had forgot to lock the door._

 _Journal...Goten was standing right there. His mouth was wide open, eyes staring at the blood lines on my arm. Tears were streaming down his face, snot dripping from his little nose. "Bwudder, yewr huwrt." He walked over and grabbed the first-aid kit. He took out some band-aids. "Yewr tweeting it wong."_

 _He walked up to my arm and stuck the band-aid on. It would seep through in a matter of minutes, but I didn't tell him that. His little fingers were red as he put band-aids on my arm and they brushed up against my arm blood. Once he had a couple on my arm, he took a step back and smiled a giant, bright smile. It was not very well done, and looked like it too, but the prideful smile he showed me made it so I couldn't tell him so. "I fwixed it, bwudder!"_

" _Yes, yes you did Goten." I had assured him, rubbing the top of his head._

 _Goten's smile faded and turned to one of inquiry. "What huwrt you?"_

 _I couldn't do it, Journal. I just couldn't do that to him. I want to keep the world a secret from him. I do, trust me. But I was also tired. Between my party, talking about Dad, and Goten walking in, I was done. I was physically and emotionally drained. I didn't want to lie to him. And as hard as the truth is to tell him, I didn't have the strength to come up with a convincing lie. It was a moment of weakness. And I will always be ashamed of it._

" _I hurt myself, Goten." I had told him, squatting down and placing my hand on his shoulder._

" _On accident?"_

 _I shook my head. "On purpose."_

 _Goten started_ _bawling_ _. He straight up had a tantrum. I don't blame him, but I didn't like how loud he was being. Eventually, it would get Mom's attention. I tried everything to hush him. I rubbed his head, cooed him, shushed him, rubbed his back, picked him up, I even tried signing to the kid! But he just wouldn't shut the hell up! Eventually I remembered our finger trick. He grabbed my pointer and middle fingers. He sneezed them_ _hard_ _. I remembered his Saiyan genes at that moment._

 _At that moment, I realized how alike me and him might actually be. How strong of emotions we can both feel. How those emotions have a strong, direct link to our power levels. It was what seperated a demi-Saiyan from a full blood. Yes, emotions are a key factor for them too, but not to the extent it is for us. At least, not from what I've gathered over the past sixteen years._

 _Goten finally stopped crying. I set him back on the floor. "Why..would you...do someting...wike 'dat?" He had said in between sobs._

" _It's complicated, kiddo." I said. I groped for words. I shut and locked the door as I explained to him, as best I could, the complicated concept of depression and self-harm. He understood the gist, and I knew as he got older he'd come to understand it more._

 _And that's it, Journal. That's what happened today. That's why I'm sitting here wishing to cry. That's why I needed to write this. Goten learned a lot today about Dad and myself. All I can hope is that he doesn't whisper a word about the latter to Mom. He promised me he wouldn't, so I hope that's true. Goten usually keeps promises that he makes to me._


	12. High School and The Great Saiyaman

**A/N: Here is is everyone, the dreaded...Time Skip! Yup, we're officially in the Great Saiyaman/Buu Saga's!**

 **Sorry that I haven't posted in awhile! I haven't been near a computer to be able to post these. But I have had enough time to type up THREE chapters (it would be more, but we've been having serious complications with our moving and school and basketball and now the school musical as well. Damn my busy schedule). If you're reading this author's note, then it's probably already up because I'm uploading these three all at once!**

 **Enjoy!**

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Gohan rushed in through the front door, flinging his bookbag across the room haphazardly. He rushed into his room, kicking Goten out. He quickly pulled out his journal and pen from his bookbag.

 _Today was my first day of High School. PUBLIC SCHOOL. I'm getting straight to the point here. My mother, MY mother, put me in school. I couldn't believe it when she told me. I actually didn't believe her for weeks, until she took me shopping for school supplies. Goten as super excited for me, he knows how much I love learning, as well as being very jealous. After she took me shopping for school supplies, I had to take an entrance exam so that they could see where I was with my studies._

 _The questions weren't very hard, and they seemed very surprised when I got 100% on all of them. Needless to say, they put me right with my age group. For some reason, they thought I would be behind because I was homeschooled. If they got one look at the curriculum that my mother gave me when I was four, they probably would have put me in the High School anyways._

 _It was obvious as soon as I walked in that I didn't belong there. Apparently, my amazing score on the exams classified me as a nerd. I mean, they aren't lying, I am a nerd, but that also apparently made me a target for bullies. Now, the only friends I've had my whole life were the Z Fighters, and they're pretty odd, so I hadn't ever really experienced bullies until school today._

 _All in all, I'm not sure what to think of public High School yet, since I've only been there one day. Although it was a very eventful day. From the moment I showed up in the city, I knew it was going to be a long day. Oh, did I mention that my school was in Satan City? It used to be called Orange Star City (my school is Orange Star High) until Mr. Satan "won the Cell Games" and "saved the Earth"._

 _I find it kind of funny, actually. I'm totally not mad that he took the credit. I don't want the fame. They can name whatever they want after him, as long as they don't change the name of my school. I really don't wanna go to "Hercule Satan High" to be honest. I doubt they'll change it, but I can never know with people. I learned today that people aren't my strong suit. I also discovered that my anxiety stretches all the way to social anxiety as well._

 _But I'm getting ahead of myself._

 _I arrived at Satan City and the first thing I saw was a crime being committed. It was a petty crime, not real evil, but a crime nonetheless. Somewhere, deep down, my Son genes were tingling. They itched for me to stop the criminals even though I wanted to do the exact opposite. But something about criminals irks me. I'm not sure what, but it-_

 _Wait a moment. I figured it out._

 _It's Cell. It always comes back to Cell. The fight with him was long and exhausting for everyone. The stakes were high, and the fight was suspenseful. And even though we won, much was lost. Cell almost won, too. He would have, if it weren't for Vegeta. If Vegeta hadn't shot the ki blast at Cell that had distracted him, Cell would have overpowered me and everyone would have died. The Earth would have been lost._

 _But I_ _did_ _win, even if it was a close call. Even if Dad was lost in the process. Even if my mental health went him. Even if an even greater, more powerful monster had emerged. Cell still died in the end, and the majority of the Earth survived. That's a win in most people's books. Like I said before, I'm glad that I didn't get the fame for it. I don't think I would have been able to handle it to be perfectly honest._

 _The world came so close to being either destroyed by or ruled by Cell. It wasn't even too long ago. And yet, a mere seven years later the world had already forgotten the fear that he had struck into their hearts. They've already forgotten how precious their lives are and how fragile peace really is. And honestly, it pisses me right off._

 _It's not ignorance either. It wasn't like Cell was the first time that the world was threatened. It's happened before and it's sure to happen again sometime in the future. This is just pure_ _stupidity_ _. That's all it is. I don't know how people can be that damn stupid! Don't they remember King Piccolo, the Saiyans, the Black Water Mist,_ _and CELL?_

 _Even the kids at school could look back at the Cell Games and talk and joke about it lightheartedly. They just think it's over and done, a part of history. They think that what happened in history, in the past, is of no current concern to them. Don't they notice that this is a reoccurring event? Haven't historians noticed that our planet is a hotspot for alien attacks?_

 _I'll end my rant there, but all of that had ran through my head - I hadn't even known this it had until now - and something came over me. I transformed into Super Saiyan so I wouldn't be recognized and I took those guys down without breaking a sweat. It was the easiest fight I'd ever been in, and those guys ended up running away in fear. I continued in my way to school afterward, only to hear the teenagers there were already talking about it._

 _They had officially dubbed me as The Gold Fighter. I guess I can add that to my list of aliases, along with brat, kid, and Delivery Boy. Gossip apparently spread through that school like a wildfire because by second period, practically everyone in the entire school district had heard about the vigilante who had stopped the criminals. One of my classmates was particularly interested in finding out who he was._

 _Videl Satan._

 _Videl Satan, as you may have guessed, is the one and only daughter of Hercule Satan. She also happens to be my classmate. Just my luck, huh? She was particularly suspicious of me, even claiming that even though my clothes matched his description, the Gold Fighter was much more handsome than I was._

 _I, not sure how I was supposed to take that, so I just brushed it off. Still not sure if that had been the right thing to do or not. The other girls were acting weird whenever I was around, though. I don't know why. I'll have to look into it._

 _But the day only got more unfortunate from there. At one point, I had to play sports. What sport? Baseball._

 _What? You don't see the problem in that, Journal? Well, let me explain…_

 _Mom told me to hide my power while I was at school. It makes sense, so I tried my best all day to hide my power. I wasn't doing too bad, save for the Gold Fighter incident, until it came to play baseball. No one wanted me on their team. I was the nerdy new kid. How were they supposed to know about my super strength and super speed? They weren't._

 _I looked even weirder when my team was out in the field. It wasn't very hard until the ball had a good hit on it and it went flying up into the air. It went so high, everyone had already declared it a home run. I figured that was my chance to prove that I'm not as weird and nerdy and useless as everyone else says I am. I jumped up and caught the ball. It was great!...until I realized that I was at least twenty feet in the air._

 _Then it was my turn to be up at bat. Here was my thought process: if I didn't hit the ball, it wouldn't go flying. I knew that if I had tried to hit that ball, it would be miles and miles and miles away._

 _So I just stood there and let the ball hit me. Well, first I got a couple of strikes and then this kid in my class, Sharpener, thought it would be funny if he threw the ball right at me. He was trying to make me jump out of the way like a coward. I showed him. I stood, feet planted, as the damn ball hit me right in the forehead! I barely felt a thing! I was able to take my base._

 _Yup. I'm definitely weird._

 _The only upside about my time at school today was that nobody noticed my scars. I'm already getting bullied enough, and it's only my first day. The last thing that the kids at school need to see is the physical evidence of my depression and anxiety being more than I can handle. Now I just have to keep it that way for the rest of the school year. Too many people already know about it, I don't need more people to know._

 _That was basically everything that was worth mentioning about my first day of school. Now, after school ended, was where things really started to pick up for me. The news of the Gold Fighter was spreading like wildfire, so I had to do something about it. Thing is, I had absolutely no clue. When in doubt, go to Bulma._

 _I flew to West City right after school to ask her what she thought I should do. Together, we came up with the idea to make me a superhero. Like the ones you see in the movies. She even made me a costume and everything! I think it looks awesome, but Trunks thinks it looks stupid. Then again, what does he know? He's Vegeta's son._

 _Well...I'm Goku's son, so I don't have much room to talk either._

 _I said goodbye to everyone then flew back to my house. On the way, I ran into some more criminals. It was the perfect time to start spreading the news of the new superhero in the city! When I was on the spot, though, I went from superhero back to socially awkward teenager. It took me a whole nerve-racking minute to try and figure out what the hell my superhero alias was named! I probably should have figured it out at Bulma's, but I came up with a great name nonetheless._

 _I am...The Great Saiyaman!_

 _Yup. I know. I'm cool. Or, well, as cool as I'll ever get anyways. I managed to stop the criminals with great ease and continue on home. Now I'm here. I need to go practice! I can't wait to hear what my friends, err, what the bullies at school think about The Great Saiyaman!_


	13. It's Hard To Keep Secrets From Teenagers

Gohan put away his math homework and took out a different book.

 _Hey Journal._

 _Oh geez. I really don't have anything to say. I guess...school's only been getting worse. The bullies are picking up their slack. Their insults are getting worse. Though they can't physically hurt me, their words tear my skin apart effectively enough. No one's noticed my scars yet still, but it's only a matter of time._

 _I mean, it's not like I haven't made any friends yet or anything. I have, actually. I mean, they're still mean to me, by they seem to be nicer this everyone else. Those three people are Sharpener, Erasa, and Videl. Shut up. Shut up right now. I know my friends are the up dumb jock, blonde airhead, and Hercule's daughter (ironic, huh?). Now just shut up about it!_

 _In other news…_

 _It's been getting SO HARD too keep my Saiyaman identity a secret._

 _The second day that I was Saiyaman, I had to save a bus full of people that was falling off a cliff. Videl Satan, Hercule's daughter, helps the police. In all honesty, from everything I've seen in the past month or so, they use her. But that's a problem to deal with another day. I digress._

 _Videl was called to try and save the bus full of people. It had been hijacked. She wasn't able to accomplish it. Well, she got rid of the hijackers (a big bunch of buffoons), but the bus was still moving and drove right off the side of a cliff. She was lucky, though, because I managed to lie myself out of class well enough to go Saiyaman and catch the bus before it hit the ground._

 _Since then, Videl has been on my ass trying to figure out who Saiyaman is. She's accused me several times of it, and she won't leave me alone about it._

 _I have done something that I never thought I'd ever do ever. I, Son Gohan, went on a date. Mind you, it wasn't exactly my_ _choice_ _. I landed on the school roof and some girl saw me turn back into Gohan. She said that she'd tell everyone my secret if I didn't go on a date with her. Naturally, I agreed to her terms. And naturally, I got a long speech from Mom about it._

 _I get so sick and tired of hearing her love stories about Dad. I only listen to them because it makes her happy. She deserves to be happy. She needs happiness. So I listen to them. I hear about the guy Dad used to be. The him in the stories never matches up to the him now._

 _Goten loves hearing anything about Dad. He's not a topic brought up much. So anytime he is brought up, Goten is right there, listening as hard and as intently as Saiyanly possible. Even the love stories about Dad are fabulous to him. Hey, maybe with any luck, Goten might turn out normal after all. A normal teenager. That would be great._

 _They were so happy when they heard the news. I wish I had gotten it on video._

 _Anyways, the date itself was an absolute mess. I had no idea what I was doing, and all I did was make a fool of myself. Like, more than usual. And it didn't help that I didn't like this girl that way. I never have had a crush and I don't think I ever will. Just doesn't seem like my kind of thing. I'm too socially inadequate for that stuff. I did, however, manage to bite my hand a couple of times. The pain held me over until the day was done. However, while I was on my date with the girl, a building caught on fire._

 _It was a job for Saiyaman, so I had to sneak away to try and save the building and the people in it. Unfortunately, Videl thought that it was also a job for her. She was up on the top of the roof, which was about to cave in thanks to the fire._

 _And if that wasn't unsafe enough, the water tank she was trying to open was about to fall on top of her. She was trying to get the water from the roof down through the building to try and put the fire out. It was a good plan, but she burnt her hands trying to do it._

 _I flew in and saved her from being crushed by the water container, then punched a hole right through it. She was angry, as usual, at the appearance of Saiyaman. But she was thankful...probably. I mean, Saiyaman saved her life_ _again_ _. It's almost as if the lethal issues only started happening after Saiyaman appeared...whatever._

 _The water spilt out of the tank and successfully helped put out the fire. When I returned to my date, she was very mad. She thought I had ditched her to go see Videl or something. I don't know. I don't speak girl. I barely speak at all. She said that she'd tell everyone my secret. I panicked and made a fool of myself, as usual, and she told Videl my secret. And I couldn't believe what Angela said._

 _The secret that she had blackmailing me all this time with was about the underwear! There's this one pair of underwear that Mom had gotten me so I wore it just to make her happy. It had a teddy bear on it. I honestly didn't think that it was a very big deal, but I was just relieved that she hadn't actually know that I was Saiyaman. Teenagers are weird._

 _Videl kept getting closer and closer to getting evidence to who Saiyaman is. Of course, being as famous as she is, she's a target as well. A few days ago a gang went after her. They knew that Hercule was a fake (yeah, the only other people who can see through Hercule's ruse have to be criminals. Totally fair) and wanted to fight him._

 _Videl didn't want that to happen, even she doesn't know her father's a fake, so she tried to take on the criminals by herself. I showed up to help her, but she held her own very well. To get there to help her, though, was a challenge. I didn't want her fighting on her own but the teacher wouldn't let me leave._

 _Whenever I had to go fight as Saiyaman, I used the excuse that I had to go to the bathroom. My teacher had gotten wise, however, and wouldn't let me go because I 'had a habit of not coming back'. Frustrated at not being able to leave (and my Saiyan half, that I hate, angry at being restricted from a fight) I ended up accidentally making an earthquake with my foot._

 _And then there was what happened yesterday. Oh gosh, where do I even start?_

 _So Goten and I have a ton of animal friends. One of those friends got kidnapped. His name is Chobi. Dad knew his parents so Goten and I know him. He's a really nice pterodactyl, and he's only a baby. So he really didn't deserve to be kidnapped. They never do. But he was._

 _A circus kidnapped him and showed him off for money. They made him do tricks! It pissed me right off. Naturally, Goten was very upset about this. I had to cheer him up somehow. So I did what I always have done. I told him everything would be alright. I had to come up with a plan. A plan to get Chobi back. My master plan? Well, I tried talking the business guy into giving back Chobi of his own free will._

 _That went about as well as you think it would. I should know by now, as I do, that bad guys don't respond well to talking. But, since it wasn't the Earth that was at stake, I thought I'd try it anyways. When that didn't work, I ended up stealing Chobi back. Steal from a thief. Ironic, but it was the only plan I had._

 _I actually managed, as Saiyaman of course, to find where he was being caged. I bent the metal bars and took Chobi, taking care of the guy who was supposed to be guarding him. Unfortunately for me, stealing Chobi was still a crime. I had the police on me before I could do anything about it. That still wasn't the worst part though._

 _One of the cops who came was, of course, you probably guessed it by now Journal. Yes, it was Videl. She seemed really proud of herself. She seemed way too happy about Saiyaman suddenly becoming a criminal. And only minutes later, I found out why. If I got arrested, my helmet would have to be taken off. That still wasn't the worst part._

 _I resisted her, and tried to tell her and the cops what happened to Chobi. It ended up with me 'fighting' off Videl with Chobi on my back. Although, in all honesty, it was more of her attacking and me skillfully avoiding. Yet somehow, I was still winning._

 _And then the worst part happened._

 _Just like I had told Videl minutes earlier, Chobi got scared and called for his parents. Yes, it was a natural reaction, and a very justified one at that, but that doesn't make it any better for us. His parents came in a rage and started attacking the city. The cops got scared and started firing guns at them. I calmed down the cops and took it upon myself to get through to Toto._

 _Getting through to an enraged pterodactyl is a very difficult thing to do. Especially since I was dressed as Saiyaman still. I tried to talk to him. It didn't work. I tried to get him to recognize my voice. It didn't work. In all honesty, Videl did try to help. She told me to take of my helmet so Toto could recognize my face. She promised that she wouldn't tell anybody. Thing is...I believed her._

 _I believed that she wanted me to show my face in order to save the city, not just so she'd know who I was. I really thought she wouldn't tell anyone because it was for the city. I think she actually would have put aside her crazy obsession with figuring me out. But I just couldn't take that chance._

 _I had to come up with an alternate solution. I needed another way to stop Toto and his wife from destroying the city. I figured my next option was to clarify for him that it was me. "It's me! Go-" and then I stopped. Videl was in a blind panic/ecstatic state as she basically finally had solid evidence that Saiyaman was me. Luckily, Toto also figured out it was me._

 _From there, everything happened smoothly. Toto and his wife stopped attacking everything. They got Chobi back and the thief got arrested. It had been quite the eventful day, (the most eventful one I think I've ever had, it was quite dense) and the highlight was definitely when I told Goten that Chobi was back with his family where he belongs and that he's okay. The smile on the little boy's face brightened up my mood._

 _I never want a day that eventful again._

 _Today was a close second._

 _It's not that a lot of stuff happened today, but two really big things and one ginormous thing. To sum up the first two things, Videl figured me out. She cornered me, took off my band-aid, stateed her facts, and I was cornered. Feeling defeated, I gave up. Luckily, according to her, it wasn't public knowledge. Only she knew._

 _Not only did she know that I was Saiyaman, but she knew I was Son Gohan. That meaning that she researched my name and found out who my father is. She, of course, doesn't know about all the crazy alien-attacking-Earth-Z-Fighters-save-it formula, but she does know that Dad had been in multiple Martial Arts Tournament. Specifically, that he had won one of them. It had been him vs. Piccolo - err - Junior. Even I hadn't know THAT._

 _But that's a question for the WMAT._

 _Anyways, the fact that only she knew about my Saiyaman secret lifted my spirits, but she quickly brought me back down by blackmailing me. This marked the second time I was blackmailed within a month. She said that she wouldn't tell anyone that I was Saiyaman if I did exactly what she wanted me to. I feared embarrassment, but it never came. Her requests were quite odd. She only wanted two things:_

 _a) to learn how to fly_

 _b) for me to join this year's WMAT_

 _Both surprised me. Neither of them seemed too terrible, so I agreed to both. Teaching her how to fly was going to be a challenge; I'm doubting that she knows what energy is. But joining the WMAT...that was a problem. I hadn't thought about it at the time. That comes later. Right then all I knew was that my secret was safe and I had to get to class._

 _After school I decided to go to Bulma's. She would want to know that I'm entering. I also wanted to share my smart idea with her. The whole point of Saiyaman was a way to fight without my whole class knowing who I am. They can't know about my strength. And entering the WMAT would ruin that. So, the solution was obvious to me. I'm going to enter as the Great Saiyaman!_

 _When I got to Bulma's, I discussed the situation with her. She, of course, made a joke about me getting blackmailed again. When I said I was joining, she was surprised. Trunks didn't really seem to care. Vegeta was indifferent as always, but I have a feeling he was the most shocked out of the three of them. He was the one who knew how much I hate fighting._

 _Almost as soon as I told them...as soon as I told them...I told them…told them...told…the impossible happened. We heard...Dad talk. He spoke to us from Otherworld. That, alone, made my stomach do flips and turns. My head started hurting and my legs felt weak. I was caught between wanting to gush about how much I love him and miss him and wanting to find out where he was and call him a liar and an asshole._

 _Just the sound of his voice filled me with so many strange emotions. Ones that I don't feel often, or haven't felt in a long time. I can't describe it in words. It's amazing that just someone's voice can do that to you._

 _In the end, I just decided to do neither. Everyone's first reaction, after the initial surprise, was to question it. Dad told us that he was talking to us from Otherworld. He said that since I was entering...he would too. I'm ashamed to say it, but I didn't even question him. I didn't question how. I didn't question why. All I could think about was that I was going to see him again._

 _He did explain to us_ _how_ _he was allowed to come to Earth, but most of the explanation flew over my head. I wanted to jump up and down like a little kid. Then...it hit me. Bulma, Trunks, Vegeta, and I aren't the only ones who'll see him. Yeah, there were the rest of the Z Fighters...but all I could think of was Goten. He would…_

 _Goten was finally going to meet his father! That stupid picture I gave him won't be the only image he'll have of him! That put even more joy inside of me than I had had in many years. I quickly started to fly home, but somehow got caught up in the filming of a movie about Saiyaman. I finally got out of that and somehow figured I'd go to Krillin's._

 _Marron was glad to see me and when I told Krillin about Dad, he seemed a bit underwhelmed. Maybe he held disbelief about the situation. I don't blame him. He refused to enter at first, saying that his days of fighting were over. He was a family guy now. He was still unsure about whether to enter or not after Eighteen tried to convince him. All it took to get him to enter, though, was a little convincing from Marron._

 _She sure was his kryptonite. I never thought a kid could affect such a dedicated fighter so much. After going to Krillin's, I continued my flight home. But worry started to grow inside of me on the flight. Mom. She hated when I fought. What if she didn't let me fight?_

 _The worry was soon out of my mind, when I imagined her reaction to Dad coming back for a whole 24 hours. She deserved something good like that to happen to her. She was going to be so happy! I flew even faster toward my house. When I arrived, I began eating. I needed to pretend like everything was normal until later._

 _Then Mom questioned why I was acting so weird. I've never been good at hiding good news. Hiding my emotions I could do, but good news came so rarely to our family that I never really had a reason to keep it from them when we received it. I set down my food and prepared them for the news._

" _I entered the World Martial Arts Tournament." Was the statement that I began with. Mom immediately got angry. I silenced he by speaking up again. "_ _But_ _, Vegeta and Trunks are entering, and I'm sure other Z Fighters will too. I mean, Dad is going to enter. How could his friends not?"_

 _Goten figured it out before Mom did. Being a small child, he didn't question the rules of the dead. He started to backflips and jumping up and down and bouncing everywhere. "I'm going to meet Daddy?"_

 _I nodded and gave Goten a big, tight hug. I squeezed him a little. I was so happy for him. This was probably going to be one of the, if not the, most important moment of his life. Mom, however didn't share his sentiments. She didn't seem happy, but she could barely speak. I believe the proper term is 'utter and extreme disbelief'._

" _How…"_

" _24 hours, Mom. He's only allowed one day back on Earth. Because he's saved the world so many times, he gets one day." I had explained. My explanation seemed to be enough for her, because the tears that I had expected from her finally came. I stood up and gave her a hug too. She hugged me with strength she hadn't had in seven years. But it was still weak and fragile. She seemed a lot older than she is._

 _We spent the rest of the night sitting on the couch, the three of us. We watched movies. But not just any movies. We did something that we haven't done since the nine days leading up to the Cell Games. We watched old home videos. For the first time, Goten got to see Dad walk around and speak. It was only a video, of course, but Goten didn't care._

 _We watched video, laughing as a family for the first time. We watched everything from me as a baby (something that Goten loved) up till the Cell Games. I was too happy for Mom and Goten that I wasn't saddened by the videos; by watching the times where I was happy and carefree._

 _The time period of the videos ranged between before I was born and the day of the Cell Games (taken only minutes before we left). There were clear time gaps, though, when we were off training, or on another planet, or off training, or in a big fight, or off training. No one pointed it out. It just sorta happened. The three of us were too busy having fun; we were too busy enjoying ourselves. Mom and I don't get that often._

 _Well, I have to go, Journal. I have to figure out how the hell I'm gonna teach Videl to fly (I'm a learner, not a teacher)._


	14. Goten can WHAT

_Hey Journal. This one has got to be quick; we're heading out in a couple minutes. But until we do, I might as well catch you up. There's not much to catch up on, but I needed to take down what happened. I have no idea what today has in store for me._

 _Basically what's been going down is preparation. We're preparing for the WMAT. Goten and I have been doing a lot of training, something we had never done before. Honestly, I thought nobody had trained with him. Turns out that wasn't the case. Apparently Mom had been training him in secret. Yeah. Let that one sink in for a moment._

 _My mother, Son Chi-Chi, was_ _training her son_ _._

 _I...I couldn't...I still...have no idea what to think of that. Dad being dead for so long changed her even more than I thought. I thought the damage was emotional and physical, with a few mental issues as well. I knew all that. She was physically ill, emotionally drained, and almost mentally unstable. This wasn't new knowledge to me. But I hadn't known that her…_

 _I'm not sure when, but somewhere along the line, Mom's opinion about fighting and training changed. One of the reasons I hated fighting (other than it ruined my life and I was still forced to do it) was that Mom always forced me to study, and forced the idea that training was a very bad thing into my head._

 _And yet...Dad dying...triggered something in her brain. I'm not sure what was triggered, or what her thought process was at the time, but she had trained Goten. My little brother, who I practically raised, learned how to fight - a family tradition - and I didn't get to see it. I hope that's how guilty Dad feels as well._

 _So when I was training with Goten, I was surprised when he told me that Mom trained him. But not as surprised as when I got the other news. I told Goten to throw rocks at me, which is how I found out that he has Saiyan strength, and he asked if he was allowed to go Super Saiyan. He said that he thought it would be okay because Mom wasn't around._

 _Naturally, I laughed. How could a seven year old, who has never been in a real battle, go Super Saiyan? Well, I was proved wrong when my baby brother's hair radiated gold light and his eyes became a solid teal green. But it seemed to be...lacking something. I'm not sure what, but something about his transformation seemed different than those I have seen so far._

 _I'm still not sure what it was, and I bet I'll figure it out one day, but for now let's just note that it seemed different. To say I was shocked was an understatement. And I only grew more shocked when he told me about_ _how_ _he had first transformed into a Super Saiyan. I had to rub my eyes and blink a few times before I accepted what I was hearing was true._

 _Screw emotional turmoil and physical limits, this kid transformed because he was_ _training with Mom_ _. I'd like you, Journal, to take a second and just think about how stupid that really sounds; how stupid it sounds when you compare it to how the rest of us achieved the form spoken of in ancient Saiyan legends._

 _When Dad first transformed, it was somewhat magical and yet I still have nightmares of it to this day. It took him getting his ass handed to him, Piccolo getting shot, Krillin blowing up, and the genocide of the Namekian people in order for him to get the pure rage it took to undergo the legendary transformation. His personality took a 180. My normally light-hearted, carefree Father turned into a bloodthirsty, malicious Saiyan._

 _When Vegeta first transformed, well, I wasn't actually there for that one. But for a guy like Vegeta, I bet it was extraordinary. From what I heard from Bulma - and I have no idea if this is credible or not - he apparently had given up on all of his goals and everything. Gave up on trying to be the strongest, gave up on trying to beat Dad, everything. And that was the point that pushed him over the edge and allowed him to transform._

 _From all of his time on Earth, he had began to soften up just a tad. He had a kid, and nobody seems to know how that happened. He wasn't by any means nice, but he hadn't gone around mass murdering, so we considered that an improvement._

 _When he flew up into space to go train, nobody had been that affected by it. When he had returned to Earth, the first time we witnessed 'Super Vegeta', he was just as malicious and cold-blooded as he always had been. He had recovered his Saiyan roots and dissed any form of Earth culture or behavior that he had picked up after the explosion of Namek._

 _When Mirai Trunks first transformed, I wasn't there for that one either. Well, technically I was, but it wasn't me. It was another me and...never mind. He's from a different timeline - a post-apocalyptic one. The androids, Seventeen and Eighteen, that were never a problem here, destroyed his timeline. He warned us about them and we were prepared when they came. We weren't, however, ready for Cell. But that's another story._

 _According to Trunks, I was the only remaining Z Fighter after the androids attacked. Therefore, I was the one who trained him. One of my main goals for him, I was told, was for him to transform into a Super Saiyan like me (I had transformed at the death of all the Z Fighters, my friends)._

 _I was apparently very rough on him, my training just as harsh as when Piccolo trained me. My motives for being so rough are unclear to both me and him. It's either because I held a grudge against how horrible that year was for me, or because Piccolo's no-apologies training was very effective._

 _Trunks told me that he had struggled to gain the form. He had tried multiple times, almost drowning and almost getting killed, and still couldn't manage to achieve it. My advice to him was very similar to what Dad had told me - to let out all anger. It's okay to be angry. Yet, Trunks couldn't do it. Being Vegeta's son and my student, this was very insulting to him._

 _One day, there was yet another attack from the androids. Trunks had tried to come, he always did, but this time I had knocked him out to protect him. When he had awoke, it was too late. He flew to the demolished city to find another ghost town. Everyone was dead or gone. Personal belongings and houses were strewn about and/or ruined._

 _His heart broke for the people of the city as he walked through. Seeing children's toys...it final straw was me. Seeing my body, dead, pushed him over the edge. His anger exploded and he was finally able to transform. So for Trunks, he had his whole world demolished and terrorized AND he had his best (and only) friend and mentor die before he was able to transform._

 _Then...there was me. I've never really discussed it before, my transformation that is. I...don't really like to talk about it for the same reason Dad never really talks about the details of his transformation. It's scary. The scariest thing I've ever done was, well, ascend, but to a little lesser extent, transform. I don't know if it affects everyone this way, I can only assume it does, but that's only an assumption. Assuming makes an ass out of you and me._

 _For me, the push was a lot of things. Let me give you some background. My whole life I've been a failure. I was kidnapped three times before I was even five, I froze up when everyone was counting on me to hit Nappa, I could never fight as well as Dad expected me to, I was never as smart as Mom wanted me to be, etc. Those are just some examples. I'm just an overall failure._

 _My mind...because of everything I've been through I'm not right in head. I wouldn't say I'm insane...just depressed with bad anxiety; the seeds for which were planted long ago. It bloomed when I was only eleven. A pre-pubescent kid. I had, have, seen and done things that most of the Z Fighters hadn't witnessed until they were full grown adults._

 _Friends and family dying right before my eyes, Frieza, dysfunctional marriages, grief, hatred, bloodshed, etc, just to name a few. This is why that, even though I was just a kid, I had felt a lot older. This was true even in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber with Dad. When we had entered, he had been straightforward and told me that his goal was to get me to transform._

 _I didn't think that I could do it. My self-doubt had already become a very real thing, even though I was only ten. But Dad insisted, and, looking up to Dad like I did, I agreed to try my best. The training he put me through wasn't very hard. It was when he told me that I had to use my emotions that it became strenuous. If I had been told to do that now...I probably wouldn't be able to control myself._

 _But back then, things were simpler, even if it was only slightly. So I did as told. But his instructions had seemed weird to me. "_ _The power comes with a need, not a desire….you need to create that need...use the pain of loss…"_

 _I hadn't known what he meant. "The power comes with a need, not a desire"? What does that even mean? It had confused the heck out of me. I did, however, manage to almost do it a couple of times. But it always ended up with me passing out or throwing up or both. I couldn't obtain the form and hold it. At all._

 _My frustration at not being able to transform only grew, and my rational human side subsided and allowed my Saiyan side to think. Mind you, my human half was still dominant, but my Saiyan half was poking and prodding my mind. And it came up with an idea. I was having trouble getting stronger, so I all I have to do was train harder!_

 _Than I noticed something. Like I said earlier, the training wasn't actually that hard. Surprising, especially when you remember that Dad was much stronger than I was. I didn't like training, not at all, but shouldn't I have been pushed more than I was? One day, I called Dad out on it. I yelled at him for going easy on me. I compared him to Piccolo out loud. I had compared him to Piccolo a bunch of times in my head, but never out loud._

 _If it had affected him, I still have no clue. I told him that he needed to come at me with everything he had. And if I couldn't take it, then I was never meant to be a Super Saiyan. After a minute of silence, his face turned serious. He flew up into the air and transformed. I felt his power level spike. It kept growing as he started charging a full-power Kamehameha._

 _That's about when the nervousness started to set in. Seeing that blue ball charge in his hands usually gives me joy and excitement. It usually means an evil villain was about to get what they deserve. But at that moment, Son Goku was aiming his Kamehameha at me. Being on the receiving end of it, instead of witnessing it, was a very different feeling._

 _This time, I felt nervousness for the arrival of the Kamehameha. I repeated over and over in my head 'I will not fail, I will not fail, I will not fail' as Dad charged his attack. I braced myself for when it would be shot at me. When it was shot I was still unprepared. The blue beam of energy came at me fast. I barely had enough time to register that it was being shot, much less to prepare._

 _My body involuntarily protected me. I had put my hands in front of me, yet the Kamehameha was still close enough to me to make me sweat and to make my heart beat a-million-miles a minute. I could feel it starting to hyper-heat my hands. My arms were shaking, barely able to hold the weight of the attack away from me, the muscles in them painfully yelling at me to stop using them. Problem was, if I let go of that Kamehameha then I would die._

 _There was no argument. Dad, even back then was super powerful. So a Super Saiyan version of him firing a full-power Kamehameha at a ten-year-old boy was almost ridiculous to think about. Ridiculous, if you don't have my life. I was about ready to give in and admit defeat just as I always did._

 _Then something clicked._

 _The Hyperbolic Time Chamber, Dad, the Kamehameha, my muscle pain, my sweat, everything just disappeared. My surroundings faded to black so that all that was left was a small boy in Saiyan armor. Silence. But in my head, my thoughts were rampaging. All I could think about was my failures. How I had always let all of my friends down. But I cared for them._

 _Then the worst thought had occurred to me. This, this had been my push; my push to become a Super Saiyan. I had always let people down, but if I let people down this time, there won't be a next time to let them down. If I didn't do it, everyone would be killed at the hands of Cell._

 _I'm not really sure what, but that made something inside of me snap. I can't really describe it, other than...intense. I can't think of the right words, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But I had done it, I had transformed, and I sent the Kamehameha flying. The next minute or so is really fuzzy._

 _I can't remember any details, just that Dad looked really surprised for some reason. I also remember having such an...anger and crave for blood and destruction. It was terrifying. I can remember not being able to calm down. The next thing I remember is waking up, so I can only assume I passed out. I was ten. I became the youngest Super Saiyan in recorded history._

 _I'm not sure how, but I've been able to keep up with the adults since I was a child. My strength at age five was very much stronger than Dad was at age fourteen. He wasn't able to fight at the level I could when I was five until his late teens/early adulthood. Now into his mid adulthood, his thirties or forties, he was miraculously able to transform into the legend. I did it at age ten. He couldn't defeat Cell in his mid adulthood. I was eleven._

 _I've been forced to keep up. Dad got to gradually work up to this level of power and fighting, but I was thrust into this lifestyle and I into the action right in the middle of it all. It was either get strong or die. I didn't have years to get very strong. I had one. One singular year to train until the Saiyans arrived. I never got a long break after that until after I fought Bojack._

 _My memory of my transformation is blurry because of my anger. I have this...this_ _thing_ _about me where when I get angry, shit gets real. I get a giant spike in my power and I start raging at whomever I'm mad at, attacking it and usually causing some sort of damage but not always. It also triggers if my life is I. Danger, but those are more rare. Those happen in instances like when Piccolo had whipped me at a mountain when I was four, before I knew how to fight, or when Dad clumsily let go of my baby stroller and I went flying down a hill in a rollercoaster rode in my stroller._

 _When they found me, I was at the bottom of the hill, an ovular hole in the tree where there should have been a splattered me. The Z Fighters and I refer to these moments as my 'rage moments' and I can't remember them very well. But I have been told that I've had them ever since I was a baby._

 _My ascension…oh god…I can barely think about it. It was the scariest thing I've ever had to do, and I believe I've already told you why, right? After I fought Bojack, I told you the story of my accession; about how Cell used the knowledge of my rage moments against me._

 _But, I digress. This wasn't supposed to turn into a long rant. We were actually supposed to leave for the WMAT five minutes ago, so I'll try and finish this up quickly._

 _You can see why I was more than shocked to learn about Goten's transformation. And why I laughed when I learned that even though he could become a Super Saiyan, he couldn't fly. He joined my flying lessons with Videl and got it within minutes. Surprisingly, Videl caught on pretty quickly too. She got it the first lesson. I thought that would be the end of it. But she kept coming back._

 _She's gotten pretty good at it now. She, of course, can't fly very fast yet but she's getting there. For someone who didn't know what ki was a month ago, she's come very far. And I've made friends with her. Not like before, where it was more frenemies because all she did was bully me, no. We're actually friends now which is great. I need a friend. A friend my age. Other than Dende. Not that there's anything wrong with Dende, but I need a friend that I can see on a more regular basis._

 _And now...the WMAT._

 _Fighting._

 _Competitively._

 _Oh my…_

 _And Dad...I'm going to see Dad again…I'm not sure what to think. I'm not sure how I'm going to react. Whether I'm going to see his smile and cry because I love him or see him look at Goten or at me and yell at him for being a selfish asshole. I'm afraid of both. At least I'll be wearing sunglasses, so if I do the former no will notice. But...if I do the latter...I'd ruin the reunion for everyone. And I can't ruin this moment for Mom and Goten._

 _I promise that I'll restrain myself from yelling._

 _Got to go. If we don't hurry, we'll be late for the WMAT. Wouldn't want that to happen, would we? Be late for fighting? Unthinkable!...in case you couldn't tell, that was sarcasm. Whatever. At least I'll be able to hang out with Videl. That's an upside. Maybe this tournament won't be so bad afterall._

* * *

 **A/N: Happy New Year!**


	15. The Longest Day of My Life Part 1

**A/N: I can explain!**

 **Okay, so something terrible happened a few weeks ago: my flashdrive BROKE! I lost all of the stuff that was on it. All of my _The Original DigiDestined_ documents, my chapters to _Changes..._ all of it. Luckily, I had this already pre-typed on my Google Drive instead of on my flashdrive, so I was able to proof-read it throughout the past couple of days until it was post-worthy. I'll try and get chapters up for _The Original DigiDestined_ and _Changes_ as quickly as I can, but I have a lot of catching up to do because of the loss of my flashdrive.**

 **I hope you enjoy this chapter! It was certainly a hard one to write (even though I've been waiting to write the Spopovich ordeal since before I started this story!)**

* * *

Gohan held his head. He needed to write about this. It was unavoidable and he knew it. But he didn't _want_ to write about. He needed to forget about the whole thing. Writing about it would only make him think about it. The whole reason he had started writing in his journal was to sort his thought out and to try and keep his raging depression in check.

But he didn't want to think about the incredibly long day he just had. Dense. He had NEVER wanted a dense day again, and so much happened in just twenty-four hours, Gohan couldn't believe it. He didn't want to remember it. But he couldn't forget it.

Just like the Cell Games, this was one day he would never forget, and he assumed that most others won't either. For some, today wasn't even that traumatic. For people like Krillin and Piccolo, who weren't involved in the bulk of the fighting, this would just be another battle. But for others - Bulma and Vegeta, Gohan, Goku, Goten, Trunks - this would be a day they would never forget.

He sighed, giving into his little brother. Goten's face when Gohan had explained self-harm to him was burning into Gohan's brian. It was screaming at him, yelling. He never wanted to see Goten so mortified again. And, Gohan thought, if he didn't write today down in his journal it would be an even worse day for the skin on his thighs and/or arms.

He took out his journal and a mechanical pencil. He didn't know where to start. So much had happened...so much…he placed the lead of his pencil on the lines of his journal. He guess the beginning was a good place to start.

 _Hey Journal...I don't know what to say…_

 _It's been twenty minutes since I wrote that first line and I still am not sure where to start. I guess that right after the entry I wrote this morning would be a good place to start. This is the first time since I got this Journal seven years ago that I have written two entries in one day._

 _But this is the most eventful day I've ever had in all of my eighteen years. Busier than the three times I was kidnapped, busier than when Vegeta and Nappa came to Earth, busier than when we went to Namek (that was spread out over a long time. Not technically days since they have multiple suns), and much busier than any attack from Seventeen, Eighteen, or Cell. Even busier than when Bojack came to Earth._

 _I guess I should probably start telling you about today now, shouldn't I?_

 _So after I finished writing my last entry we left the house and hurried our asses over to the WMAT. The three of us met up with everyone else who, as I had expected, had gotten there before us. It was the spot that Dad said he would meet us at. My stomach had felt jumpy and I felt nauseous. I was praying to every deity I had ever heard of that Dad had been telling truth about coming back for a day. If he lied…_

 _If he lied, I made a promise then and there. I'd kill him. I don't care if he was already dead. I'd hurt him. I'd figure out the worst way to do it, and I'd hurt him. If he didn't show up, everyone would be disappointed, but Mom and Goten would be devastated. They wouldn't be getting over it anytime soon._

 _While we waited for Dad, I watched Goten carefully. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet, obviously just barely able to contain his excitement to meet his father for the first time. I couldn't help but smile with him, my own internal conflict going on. Yeah, I wanted to see Dad and everything. I mean, who didn't? But I think I hated him. I love him, but I hate him. Wow, the struggle is real._

 _We waited for what seemed like forever thanks to our excitement/nervousness. Then, people started losing hope that Dad was even coming. Most people decided we should start heading in. I felt all of whatever shadow of happiness I may have had at the time disappear. All I could think was, 'No! What about Goten and Mom! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you!' over and over again._

 _Then I heard it._

 _I felt my eyes tear up. I felt my heart skip a beat. I felt excitement and what I remember being mild happiness build up inside of me. It may have been mild, but it was the most that I had had in seven years. My hands and legs began shaking and my palms and forehead began to sweat. I had sniffled as quiet as I could, my nose was beginning to run. I couldn't help any of it, it was all involuntary._

 _My reaction had been happiness._

 _Dad stood there, a big smile on his face. I...I couldn't believe it. Journal, it had felt like a dream. Even though I knew he was coming, the reality that_ _he was coming_ _hadn't hit me until I saw his goofy face. Until I saw his spiky black hair. Until I saw my father again. For the first time in years._

 _Everyone ran over him, showering him with hugs and kind words. Most people were crying. Krillin, Bulma, Yamcha, heck even Piccolo couldn't help but crack a smile! And then...it was Mom's turn to greet him. Her smile...it was so warm. And her eyes had more life in them than I had seen in close to six-and-a-half years. The sides of her face were soaked with her tears. Not an unusual scene to see nowadays. What was unusual was...they were tears of_ _happiness_ _this time. Happiness to be seeing her husband._

 _Dad...he said it…_

 _He said he had missed Mom…_

 _I didn't know whether to be angry at that or not. Half of me had screamed that I should be mad. If he missed her, then why didn't he let us wish him back with the Namek Dragon Balls years ago? But, the prominent half, told me who gives a fuck. He's my Dad. I love him, and I missed him. Yelling at him came at a later time, maybe not at all. That I have to enjoy my time with him. And that, just maybe, he was being sincere this time._

" _Hey Chi-Chi, I think there's a little me behind your legs."_

 _My head had shot straight down to Goten. True to Dad's statement, Goten was hiding behind Mom's legs. He had been so excited for this, I had grown confused. Why was he so scared? He's normally such a brave little tyke. And then I had remembered. His nightmares. Wait, did I tell you about those, Journal? I had meant to. Let me go back and check really quick._

 _Wow. I hadn't told you. I meant to. I guess it had just slipped my mind with all of the flying lesson and training I was doing with Videl and Goten respectively. Those things have kept me really busy this past month. But, as I do with most time-management challenges that I'm faced with, training had taken priority. I mean, when hasn't it. Why wouldn't it? … Please note the sarcasm, Journal._

 _After we learned that Dad was coming back for the WMAT, everyone got super excited for it. And one of those people was Goten. He was always smiling and jumping around after I told him. After I had started training him and he figured out flying, he was always off training when he wasn't stuffing his face or sleeping._

 _But one night, long after I had put Goten to bed, I decided to get some sleep myself. I closed our bedroom door behind me and was about to turn off the lamp next to our beds when I heard whimpering. Although I already had a feeling that it was Goten, I opened our window and looked outside to make sure that it wasn't Icarus._

 _When he wasn't outside the window, I shut it and sat on the edge of Goten's bed. I placed my hand on the side of his arm, he was lying on his side, and he curled up into a tiny little bundle. I rubbed his arm, trying my best to calm him down. Suddenly, he burst out of his ball and into my lap, his small arms wrapped around my torso and tightly as they could._

 _He was crying, that much was obvious, but I couldn't figure out why. We sat there in silence for a while as I just let the kid cry. If there's one thing I know, it's the value of a good, long cry, even if I wouldn't allow myself that weakness. Eventually, after he calmed down a bit, I asked him what was wrong. What he said broke what little part of my heart was happy._

" _What if I'm not good enough?"_

 _I felt every part of my brain enter panic mode, and I felt tears burn my eyes. They threatened to spill almost immediately, but I blinked them away as quickly as I could. I couldn't believe what my little brother had just said. It mirrored my self-doubt at that age, not strong but certainly planted. I've worked so hard to make sure things like self-esteem and self-image were never an issue for him, and I was determined to keep it up._

 _I quickly asked him what was wrong, trying to keep the heart-break out of my voice. He was so small, his arms and torso still so small. His muscles weren't up to the point that mine were at his age, which only made him look smaller than he should have being a seven-year-old half-Saiyan. He replied with a loud sniffle and then, "Dad."_

 _Keep in mind that he was_ _very_ _excited about Dad coming back for a day. Imagine if you had never met your father (if you had one), Journal, and seven years later you finally get to meet him. You'd be excited too. So I couldn't figure out what was upsetting Goten so bad. It just didn't make sense. I asked to elaborate...and then explained to him what 'elaborate' means._

 _He, as always, opened up to me. He gushed about what he felt. He said he felt more nervous than "he had ever been_ _ever_ _!" and he was scared. I told him so many stories about how awesome Dad was and how he was much stronger than even I was (which was nearly unfathomable for someone with no battle experience such as Goten)._

 _Because Goten was so much weaker than I am, he said that he was scared he wouldn't be strong enough for Dad. He said that he was scared he wasn't going to be enough, and that Dad wouldn't like him or would disappointed in him or be mad at him, and the list that he gave me went on and on. He had obviously been really worried about this and thinking about it for a long time. I couldn't help but worry over how long he had probably been fretting and freaking out over this._

 _I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to calm him down. I told him that he would be just fine and that Dad would love him unconditionally. I didn't believe myself, but it seemed to work for Goten. In his eyes, I knew Dad best and Goten trusted me greatly. I felt bad for breaking that trust again by lying to shelter him, but I felt that I didn't have another choice._

 _I could barely tell him about Dad's death, how was I supposed to tell my little, seven-year-old brother all of the horrible parenting Dad did with me? I couldn't. We sat there in silence until Goten had cried himself to sleep. I didn't tell Mom about it, and we haven't spoken of it since then. I figured that Goten had gotten over it because he went back to jumping all over the place whenever Dad's coming was brought up._

 _But now that Dad was actually standing right in front of us, Goten was hiding behind Mom. I almost laughed at how childishly scared he was. I could almost feel the frown that was pasted on his best friend's face at how immature he was acting. Trunks was always trying to act all macho, probably to impress his father. It was never going to happen, but I couldn't tell him. He tries so hard._

 _Mom encouraged him to go up and say hi to Dad. His eyes looked toward me for less than a second before returning to Dad. He was waiting for me. I mouth to him to go, and nodded subtly. With that, he burst forward and hugged Dad. Dad picked him up and held him. I almost cried. It was almost as if Dad cared for the little guy. But I didn't make a scene about it._

 _Goten was already crying enough for everybody, seeing his Dad for the first time and everything. I couldn't imagine how he was feeling, meeting his father for the first time in his life, but I had my own emotions to deal with. Before I could do anything else, the group decided to go in and get ready for the tournament. It was perfectly fine with me._

 _I do have to say, as horrible as the tournament had turned out in the end, it was pretty amusing to see Dad's reaction to Krillin being married to Eighteen. Even Eighteen found it amusing. And then he just_ _had_ _to ask how androids had babies. He can be so childish sometimes. He has no humility. But it was pretty humorous to watch._

 _Before our clique had gotten too far, I had someone call out to me. Turns out it was Videl. I went and hung with her for a little while until we had to go get in line for the punching machine. It's great to have a friend like her, saying that I've only had Dende up until this point. Vegeta ended up breaking the machine, and I grew anxious. We were probably going to miss Goten's match!_

 _I couldn't miss it, I just couldn't! He wanted me here so bad and he wanted Dad there even more! I couldn't have either of us miss it, he was so proud of himself! I began scratching under my gloves, the anxiety winning out. I did. It as subtly as I could, though, with Videl right next to me and the rest of the Z Fighters that were in the tournament in front of me._

 _We did end up making it in time to see Goten . Both of them ended up going Super Saiyan by the end. Trunks was the victor, but only because he was a year older. I saw something in Vegeta when Trunks beat Goten. I thought I saw him have pride in someone that wasn't him. I figured I was probably wrong about that, and he was just happy to see his offspring win against his rival's._

 _The best part about their battle was while we were cheering the two of them on the whole way, they had a real spar. Flying, ki blasts, Super Saiyan, the whole nine yards. The expression on Videl's face was_ _priceless!_ _She looked so amazed and almost scared of what she was witnessing. It was pretty great. Even Dad seemed a little surprised that the seven-year-old and the eight-year-old could transform when it was a huge struggle for me to transform at eleven and I had been struggling and fighting since I was four._

 _But seriously, everyone in the crowd was shocked. I found it so funny! And I certainly don't plan on explaining or admitting anything to Videl anytime soon, even though she's going to be asking so many questions. And she thought knowing how to fly and Saiyaman were weird and impressive. She has no damn idea._

 _Then Trunks got to fight Mr. Satan. Videl seemed to pity Trunks, and I found that hilarious as well. She was just as naive as the rest of the world to her father's lie. I honestly didn't care. She can think whatever she wants. I know the truth, and so does my family and that's all that matters. Trunks, of course, 'won' the match but Hercule 'let him win'. The guy again managed to make people love him. I don't know how he does it._

 _Then it was time for the adult division. I don't know how. I don't know whether the universe hates us or if someone paid off someone else because there's no way that Vegeta and Dad could get paired up in the first round any other way. We all had something to eat first though, and Krillin almost told secrets to Videl. I swear, these people are the reason I don't have any other friends._

 _Krillin's match went very well. He took the guy down with no effort, but even still, Marron seemed impressed. He must feel great, having his little girl be so proud of him and look up to him like that. I know I do about Goten when he looks at me with admiration, even though it's misplaced. The first match that made me uneasy was Piccolo's._

 _He's such a strong-willed person. I don't think I've ever seen him look so scared and then give up in all the years I've know him, and that's pretty much my whole life. He's not a guy to back out, and I felt myself being to shake a little. Looking back, it had unnerved me quite a bit. He looked so damn scared. That should have been my millionth clue that something was off but I didn't pick up on it like I should have._

 _Then came Videl's match._

 _Dende damn it! I don't even want to think about her match, it makes me angry. I don't know why it does, but it does. I'll write about it and maybe it'll help me sort things out a bit better. So she went out to fight a guy named Spopovich. His body and muscles were huge and veiny, and his skin was super pale. He had a fancy_ _M_ _on his forehead. I've come to hate that letter._

 _I figured she'd beat the guy. She's short and petite, but she's certainly NOT weak by any definition of the word. Size isn't everything, and I would know. I've been out-sized and out-aged my whole fighting career. Vegeta, Frieza, Cell; all of them were bigger than I was. So I had faith in my friend, but Dad and Vegeta seemed very tense. They didn't think she would win. They thought she should forfeit._

 _Why hadn't I listened to them?_

 _I'm ashamed that I hadn't and am still beating myself up for not listening to them, even though something was clearly strange about the bald man she was fighting. But I blindly had faith in her fighting ability and didn't do anything to interfere. Hindsight is 20/20, and I know it was a grave mistake, but I'm an idiot. Maybe one day I'll get over it and forgive myself but not today. The image of her aft-..._

 _The fight started in her favor. She was kicking the snot out of him. I don't know why, but I felt proud even when I didn't have any reason to. At one point...she broke his neck. I felt my stomach sink. She had killed someone. I blinked a few times and saw that it had really happened. The look on her face...even she seemed shocked and scared._

 _But then Spopovich did the impossible. He turned his head back around and continued fighting her. She was mortified, and so was I, but I was scared. Whatever this guys was, he wasn't natural. I realized she couldn't win. She managed to get into the air quickly, which made me feel pride. I taught her that. She also managed to use her energy to save her from falling out of the ring._

 _But Spopovich was able to fly as well, and that's when fear overcame me. I was scared…for her I think. I'm not quite sure why I was scared to be completely honest. Again in hindsight, I was scared for her. She was my friend and I didn't want her to get hurt. Now though...it might have been…_

 _He started pummeling her. He was hurting her in inhumane ways, going as far as to save her from falling out of the ring just to torture her more. My fear all but disappeared and anger instantly took its place. Looking back, it was similar to what happened in my 'rage moments', in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, and at the Cell Games. It scares me._

 _But I was pissed, rage coursing through the my body. I was shaking with anger, even though I hadn't known at what. The whole thing is kinda blurry, just as they always are, but I remember enough to write about it. I remember being so mad I could barely see. I tried to keep my Super Saiyan away, but it hurt so bad, just like after Bojack. I also remember…_

 _I remember everyone yelling at me to to calm down and think straight. To stay right where I was. But I ignored them, similar to the Cell Games, but this time it wasn't me they were afraid of. But I didn't care what they said, I just felt so angry. I wasn't even sure why I was so angry, I just was. I do now, but I hadn't then. All I knew was that I had to get that bastard away from her._

 _At one point, I exploded. I transformed and lost my bandana and cape. I hadn't even cared that my hair was showing. My secret identity wasn't even in my mind. I had a one-track mind; only one objective and that was to stop Videl from being brutally murdered by that ugly ass douche. I exploded out of the waiting area with a fury only matched by that of when I first ascended, still ignoring the warnings from the others._

 _Spopovich was told by his friend, his name was later revealed to be Yamu, to get rid of the girl. He said there were more important things. Spopovich kicked her out of the ring. I hurried over to her. I'm not a hundred percent sure, it is blurry after all, but I think I may have called out her name when I exploded out enraged._

 _When I got to her side, I saw up close how bloodied and beaten she really was. I had felt that fear return and the anger subside after one last threat to Spopovich. She was really hurt, but nothing looked fatal. But I still had a deep pit in my stomach and my knees felt funny. I picked her up and carried her to the hospital wing. She was really light! It was as if even her muscle mass was non-existent._

 _Then, the waiting game began as Dad went to go fetch sensu beans after I deemed that Videl needed one and he figured there might be later need for more of them. The waiting was_ _killer_ _. I could barely stand it. I didn't even mind postponing my match that, unfortunately, I was actually kind of excited for. It was her that made me so anxious._

 _Dad finally got back with the sensu beans and I took one from him. I rushed over to see Videl, forcing my way through all the press that was waiting outside. I ignored her father and the doctor. I knew what she needed, not them. Guys like Spopovich are my expertise. Luckily...she said that she trusted me. I'm not sure why, since the basis for our friendship was blackmail, but she trusted me enough to let me feed her a strange bean while she was badly injured._

 _It made me feel lighter when she said that, like some of the weight that had been on my shoulders since the Cell Games was finally lifted. And...I think my palms got a little sweaty as well. And I know for a fact that my heart rate increased. For a moment, I just stood there frozen. In the seconds that passed, and it was only a few seconds, so many thoughts ran through my brain._

 _She was covered in sweat and blood and yet somehow she looked...at the time I hadn't known because my thoughts were too cloudy. Now, though, I think the word to describe how she looked was: beautiful. I wanted to brush the sweaty, bloody hair out of her face or hug her or k-_

 _Nevermind. I gave her the sensu bean and hurried out of there to go to my match, armed with new knowledge. I, Son Gohan, had a crush. It scared me beyond belief, to the point where I was praying for there to be a way to get out of the tournament. Little did I know that I was only minutes away from getting just that._

 _I went up to face my opponent. He was Shin's (who I later found out was the SUPREME KAI) friend, Kabito. He was tall, taller than even me and Dad (and we are very tall people; it's genetic) and his skin was a medium-red. He, just like his friend, certainly wasn't human. And my guard was up after I witnessed Videl's match. I wasn't going to underestimate anyone in that tournament anymore._

 _But my guard wasn't up enough because he asked a question that I wasn't prepared for. He requested for me to go Super Saiyan. My first reaction, unfortunately, was 'holy crap this guy knows my identity!' And then I realized that I didn't have my bandana on. I was exhausted and, judging from what I had seen so far, it looks like it may be one of_ _those_ _days. I tossed my glasses aside._

 _With my face revealed to the crowd, I could heard their whispers grow louder as Saiyaman's face was finally revealed. I cringed a little when I remembered that Sharpener and Erasa were in the crowd and remembered my flip-out when Videl got beat up. Damn, I thought I was_ _so_ _gonna get it after the tournament._

 _It was then that his request had really hit me. This random alien guy, who knew who I was, wanted me to transform. My next reaction: Holy Shit. My guard wasn't as tough to break as I thought it was. I wasn't as prepared to transform earlier like Goten and Trunks had been. And then I had another reaction: if I transform, I'm transforming in front of my classmates._

 _When the man insisted, I caved and did as he asked. I hadn't transformed seriously (powering up and everything) since I fought Bojack. Training with Goten doesn't count. So when I transformed seriously, the rush of power and slight coldness startled me awake. I had noticed that it wasn't as cold as I had remembered it being, until I realized that the-power-we-don't-speak-of that I was thinking of._

 _I'm not sure why, but I suddenly realized how many eyes were actually on me. Without being behind my alter-ego in a crowd, my anxiety burst forth and I found myself yearning for my razor yet again. I looked back at the man. I'm not exactly sure when — I found this out after the tournament — but at some point Videl came back, fully healed from the sensu bean. And she saw me as a Super Saiyan._

 _Somehow, I don't know how because my mind has already attempted to repress the memory, I ascended. It was a horrible decision. The sharp, freezing cold rushing through my veins and the emotions quickly followed. All of my negative emotions amplified 20x and new ones emerged. The familiar craveings for blood, to kill, to torture all came forth in a blinding tornado of power._

 _My head looked bad at my friends and family. It turned out to be the Cell Games all over again. At that moment, they all looked like prey. In my mind, I was figuring out what order to kill them in and what method of torture would be most effective for each person. Krilllin, Vegeta, Eighteen, Dad, all of them. No one was spared my aggression, not even Piccolo or Videl._

 _Then, some logical, reasonable,_ _human_ _, part of my brain fought through the clouds of blood and destruction. Piccolo's and Videl's names had rung through my head. Having experienced this ascension twice before, my mind was beginning to understand how to control it. My sanity came back all at once and my stomach dropped. I blinked tears out of my eyes._

 _I had been about to kill them all, every single one of them. Even the ones I loved dearly, like Krillin and Piccolo and Videl. It hadn't even registered until after I came back from Old Kai's that I had thought her name as someone I_ _loved_ _, not like or crushing on, but loved. It was an all new emotion for me and I'm still terrified of it. I'm not sure how it happened either. I'm not sure how I fell in love with her, but I had._

 _As mortified as I was, I didn't much time to think about it because seconds after I transformed (and yes, all those feelings and emotions came in a matter of seconds) I felt a sharp pain in my side and everything went numb and my sight went blurry. This is another moment that I can't quite remember everything about. All I remembering hearing as I fell to the ground were the collective whispers of the crowd, but eventually not even those could make it through my...whatever had happened._

 _I also remembering hearing a loud, female scream. At the time, I figured it was just Mom being Mom, always a worry-wart about me. Through my cold numbness I felt warmth, like someone was touching me. Then the edges of my vision started to go black. I felt weak, barely able to sense my own power level. That's when I realized it. Dende damn it, I was dying!_

 _Seconds later, a powerful warmth enveloped me like a blanket. I felt my strength return in full and the heat to my body restored. I sat up, not understanding what just happened. I looked to my side to see who had touched me. It wasn't Mom._

 _It was Videl. Her eyes were full of tears (not being shed, Videl Satan doesn't cry) and her face showed relief. And even though I didn't ask, I'm pretty sure she's the one who screamed, journal. And again, with no turn around time, we were off. Flying away from the WMAT to — you probably guessed it already, journal — fight yet another world-threatening evil villain._

 _Partway there, Videl, who had been with us the whole way, began to lag behind. I had forgotten she wasn't that experienced of a flyer and used the speed that Kabito had set. Oh yeah, and did I mention that she figured it out? My secret? No, not my Saiyan ancestry. Something even worse. And I swear I didn't give her any hints, she's apparently just really good at finding out secrets about me._

 _Because she saw me transform, she easily saw that I was the Gold Fighter. Since she already knew my Saiyaman secret, her knowing that I was the Gold Fighter too didn't really bother me all that much. What_ _had_ _bothered me and caught me off guard was what else she had figured out. The Cell Games. Somehow, I don't know if it was something I said or something she said, but she learned the truth._

 _I am Delivery Boy. I killed Cell._

 _Then she put two and two together AGAIN and figured out that I had killed Cell (she only figured out the Delivery Boy thing) and that her father hadn't. Yet again, I was back to being unable to read her. I couldn't tell what her reaction was, making my anxiety rise again. I haven't been this anxious in one day in forever, which is part of the reason I didn't want to write about this. It makes me remember it._

 _I hated being unable to read her reaction. I didn't know if she was angry about it, surprised, happy, creeped out, or anything! But all too soon, she decided that she needed to go back. She said she couldn't keep up with the level that it was at, now that I was flying for real. I figured it was a legitimate reason for her not to come. It was for the best anyway. This_ _was_ _going to be one of_ _those_ _days._

 _She wished me luck as we said our goodbyes for right then. I was about to start flying with Kabuto again — he was getting quite annoyed and frustrated by how much time I was spending talking with my g...with my_ _friend_ — _when Videl said something that caught my attention before she flew away back to the tournament._

" _I'm not finished with you yet."_

 _That had caught me off guard, yet again today, and unnerved me for a few different reasons. Partially because my teenage-boyness made me nervous around girls I like anyways, partially because it seemed to have come out of nowhere, and partially because it made a thought occur to me. I had admitted to myself earlier that I had a crush on her but…_

 _Journal, for the first time in my life it seemed as if a girl had a legitimate crush on me. And a girl that I liked. She may like me back. I'm smiling now writing this. That was a moment that I don't mind remembering about today. But my moment of happiness was over all too soon and I had to return to the mission at hand. And from what I had sensed at that moment, back-up wasn't too far behind._

 _Soon enough, the next challenge we were to face was upon us. We found the ship of the evil wizard. Oh yeah, by the way journal, Spopovich and Yamu were under the spell of an ancient evil wizard named Babidi. His father, Bibidi, made a monster named Buu. Yup. I lived the fucked up version of Cinderella today. Our goal was to make sure that Buu wasn't woken up._

 _When we arrived at his ship, however, we ran into a few of problems. First off, Babidi was there as well as Spopovich and Yamu. Secondly, we witnessed the power of this guy and holy shit we saw people EXPLODE with no real reason behind it. Third, his right-hand man (whose name was apparently Dabura) was the Demon King. I immediately started using every cuss word I could think of and reciting them alphabetical and chronological as many times as I could._

 _Why wouldn't we have to fight the Demon King? Why couldn't it be easy? And to make matters worse, we were discovered fairly quickly. Krillin and Piccolo were the first to go down, being changed to stone by Dabura's spit. I swear to Dende, these villains keep getting more ridiculous every time. However, we did manage to make it into the ship._

 _There were multiple fights we were going to have to participate in, so we did the only logical thing that could be done in a situation like that. We played rock-paper-scissors. Yup, we played rock-paper-scissors to decide who was going to fight first. Not that it mattered all that it mattered all that much, although it was ridiculous and Supreme Kai hated it, we each did get a chance to fight._

 _Vegeta fought Pui-Pui and kicked his ass. Dad fought Yakon and kicked his ass. I fought Dabura and got my ass kicked. It was honestly a pretty even match, but I had no chance of winning. I then remembered part of why I hated fighting: I sucked at it. I was always too weak, and Vegeta had gone as far as to say aloud that I was weaker right then than I was when I fought Cell seven years ago._

 _As insulting as that was, he was very right. Because I gave up training for all but Bojack, I have grown a lot weaker than I was and since our enemies only get stronger each time, I was basically rendered useless yet again. Any self-esteem that I had gotten since I started High School and became Saiyaman and helped people suddenly vanished. I felt empty and sad, as always._

 _Numb._

 _So Dabura basically disappeared in the middle of our fight and the ship turned back to normal (Babidi had the power to change the terrain we were fighting on). Everyone was startled. Was he really backing out of a fight he was clearly going to win? Honestly, no one saw what was coming. Not even Supreme Kai or myself. And when it happened, it could have been dealt with better._

 _For a minute or so, everything was normal. But then, suddenly, we heard screaming. It startled me pretty bad, and it was even worse once I realized who was screaming. It was Vegeta. Journal, Vegeta started screaming out in pain like he had been shot multiple times with a gun (if a gun did any real damage to a Saiyan, that is)._

 _It didn't take us long to learn what was going on. Babidi decided that he needed a new minion (we did murder two of his). The minion he wanted, however, was one of us. Vegeta. Dad and I, we're both pure-hearted (I don't think I am, but I can ride Nimbus, so my I guess I am) so Babidi's magic won't be able to affect us. Vegeta is a whole other story._

 _Vegeta's living was made by going around and blowing up planets. He killed people and he loved doing it. He definitely isn't pure-hearted, and had enough evil in him to have Babidi's magic work on him. We were helpless during the whole process. We cheered him on from the side, of course, and we encouraged him to pick the good side. We told him what we thought he needed to hear — that the past was in the past._

 _It hadn't been enough, Vegeta still got turned Majin. You can see why that stupid M really ended up getting on my nerves. From there, Vegeta re-adopted his old evil smirk. It unsettled me, but it was still Vegeta. I never really was one of his supporters. But that look I thought I saw in his eyes earlier… He began trying to fight Dad, however it was stopped for a couple of reasons. The main one being that if they fought, more energy would be given to Majin Buu._

 _Eventually, the terrain was changed once again. This time, he transported us back to the WMAT. It has surprised me at first until I remembered something about the tournament: there were a lot of people there. More people to potentially hurt or kills equals more energy going towards awakening Majin Buu. Vegeta started to call out Dad again._

 _When Dad refused to fight him, Vegeta took matters into his own hands. He blew up a whole third of the crowd. HUNDREDS of people come to watch this tournament, and Vegeta blew up a third of them with barely any thought. And then he did it to another third. I had felt myself get tense, hoping to Dende that neither of our families or friends were blown up by the Prince's recklessness._

 _After all those deaths, Dad just couldn't take it anymore. He agreed to fight Vegeta, despite Supreme Kai disagreeing. Supreme Kai even went as far as to get in between Dad and Vegeta. Then Dad did something extremely out-of-character, even for him. He held up a big ball of ki right in front of Supreme Kai with full intention to shoot it if needed. He more-or-less threatened to kill a God because he was in the way of their fight. Damn._

 _We were teleported somewhere less populated, at Dad's request (a good decision by him) and him and Vegeta began to fight while Shin and I went to go and try to stop the awakening of Majin Buu directly. But not before Dad gave me some words of wisdom._

" _Learn to fight with your feelings like you did against Cell."_

 _I didn't know if I was supposed to be offended by that or glad or the advice. Does he even_ _realize_ _what happened when I fought against Cell and got all strong? I had ascended. And I had become a monster. But I got the main message he was trying to send: Vegeta was right, I was much weaker than I was seven years ago. I'm too weak to participate in this fight and I needed a sudden burst of power like I got after Sixteen was killed._

 _Unfortunately...it didn't quite work out like that. Even as a Super Saiyan using a powerful Kamehameha, I wasn't strong enough. I'm pretty sure I almost died, because I remember being in a lot of pain and then everything went black. The next couple minutes after I woke up were kind of fuzzy (apparently a lot more of today was missing than I thought it was) but I do know that I ended up on the Kai planet._

 _Kabito wasn't very happy about me being brought to such a "sacred place", as he put it. But aparently Shin had seen some potential in me that Kaibito couldn't. I was told to pull a sword out of a stone. And no, it wasn't Excalibur. It was called the Z Sword. Convenient, I know. It was actually much harder to get out than you would have thought, though. It took me a long time._

 _I did, however, manage to get it out. And then I found out why it was so hard to pull. The Z Sword was heavy as shit. And since I had pulled it out, I now had to train with it. I might as well add that while I was doing all of this, I had no idea what was happening down on Earth with Majin Buu. Plenty was going on, much more than was happening with me and my training, but I had no way to know that. I wasn't there, I'm not psychic, and Supreme Kai and Kabito weren't filling me in._


End file.
